yangulgi [2019-08-26 05:23:30 +0000 UTC]

8/26/19 ; 12:17 am

as much as i don't want to admit,
i think i like you *** ****
i wish i didn't
you probably like your own people more
you probably like pretty and cute girls
you probably like average sized gils
you wouldn't like some short girl
you wouldn't like some stupid half american
you wouldn't like some ugly girl

no one likes ugly girls. everyone that asked me out on the internet? if they knew me irl before they would never want to be with me.
i'm gross and ugly and disgusting. no wonder i barely have any friends. no wonder i always get made fun of. no wonder everyone calls me dumber than an animal, trash.

no one likes girls that aren't pretty. i know i don't like my ugly self either. i don't think he ever will like me.
he only likes me in my dreams, where im safe and sound
where he doesn't care about my looks
but irl looks are everything. he probably doesn't even consider me as a friend. i'm not worth anyone's time anyways

but ig i'll just smile and say i'm fine, and bury all my feelings. it's not like anyone will love me ever.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-08-09 04:49:31 +0000 UTC]

8/8/19 ; 11:46 pm

maybe i was never meant to have friends
maybe i'm just an narcissistic asshole
i know no one really loves me
i know no one cares about me
i just wish he could kiss me on the forehead and hug me
"everything will be ok"
i want to be happy but i don't know how
i want him to like me back but i know it's never going to happen
i'm not pretty or handsome enough
i'm not smart
i'm not charming
i'm not friendly or nice
i'm not good enough

i hope he likes me back.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-06-09 06:42:43 +0000 UTC]

6/9/19 ; 1:40 am

why does it feel like i'm always alone?
why is no one there when i need to cry?
why do i feel so shattered?
as if i have to pick up the pieces and say "i'm fine"
because what if they become bored of me?
what if they don't like me anymore?me

it hurts alot and all i can do is squeeze my heart in pain

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-06-07 06:28:42 +0000 UTC]

6/7/19 ; 1:28 am

i'm a wreck but you make me whole

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-06-04 15:19:59 +0000 UTC]

6/4/19 ; 10:19 am

you're the only person who gets me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-05-19 04:31:11 +0000 UTC]

5/18/19 ; 11:21 pm

i hate me
i hate myself for ruining everything
i hate myself for not being able to be honest
i hate myself for hurting you
i hate myself for saying things that weren't coming from my heart
i hate myself for getting sad when i think of you
i hate myself for letting you break down and i stood there
i hate myself for knowing that you may be hurting on the inside
i hate myself for not saying 'i love you' more
i hate myself for being scared and paranoid of everything
i hate myself for crying the night i left you
i hate myself for missing you still
i hate myself for praying every night that you'd still like me, even just a little
i hate myself for wishing i could go back in time
i hate myself for not being able to control my words and thoughts
i hate myself for letting you down
i hate myself for everything i've done to you
i hate myself for making you feel abandoned

i know i don't deserve you. i never did.
i wish i was honest.
i was scared of losing you. i still am, despite us being apart.
i wish i didn't say 'i don't love you anymore', i knew it was all lies to me
i still loved you
i loved you even more than i have
i'm so scared of you leaving me
that i had to leave you in my own selfishness, ending where you become hurt
but i'm so hurt
i cry every night hoping you'll forgive me
i wish i told you i was just scared
maybe it would have gone better
i wish i didn't hurt your feelings
i wish i told you the truth, that i still loved you, that i still cared, that i didn't want to break up, that i wanted to keep on trying, that it's ok if we can't always see each other, that it's ok if we're busy, that it's ok if we do stupid things, that it's ok if you make me feel sad sometimes

i miss you. i wish i said i love you instead. i wished that i could push on for you but i failed. i failed myself and you. and i hate myself for that.

i love you and it hurts to see that you moved on. but i guess i don't deserve you. you mean everything to me, even if you never love me again.

sta.sh/01r5ck51wksq

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-05-17 04:07:32 +0000 UTC]

5/16/19 ; 11:05 pm

i guess i was the problem all along
but don't worry, i won't bother you anymore
i'll stop venting and complaining
i won't tell you how shitty and horrible i feel everyday
i won't bother you when you're busy
i'll give you space and let you be
i won't talk to you if you want me to
i'll just stand in the back like i always have and pretend everything is okn
i just guess that sometimes i wish i could be in the light
but i know i don't deserve it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-05-16 05:04:21 +0000 UTC]

5/16/19 ; 12:03 am

i know i never deserved anyone's love
i did them all wrong, it was me
i'm beginning to realize that i'm the problem
that should be fixed and eradicated from humanity
i know i'm a mistake.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-05-16 04:55:03 +0000 UTC]

5/15/19 ; 11:54 pm

happiness is only temporary
because nothing lasts forever
is that why no one cares if i die?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-05-13 12:12:55 +0000 UTC]

5/13/19 ; 7:12 am

i'm sorry
i didn't want to be honest but i did
i just
is it bad I'm forgetting about the feelings i had for you?

it's just not the same

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-04-28 05:48:19 +0000 UTC]

4/28/19 ; 12:46 am

i cut myself again today
i wish i could go somewhere far away
i wish i could just stop breathing
but somehow my stupid body survives
so let's revisit these wounds
and reopen them
and let the pain make everything numb
because it's the only way everyone can be happy

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-04-18 03:09:03 +0000 UTC]

4/17/19 ; 10:08 pm

i guess it didn't really matter, huh
it's ok
i'll be good
i won't bother anyone anymore
it'll be better this way
no one will have to deal with me, a piece of shit

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-04-17 03:09:46 +0000 UTC]

4/16/19 ; 10:08 pm

if words could speak feelings
then i wish it would be so
i'm beginning to lose every bit of hope i had in myself
have i lost myself?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-24 04:58:28 +0000 UTC]

3/23/19 ; 11:57 pm

on a quest to love myself.
thank you to the person that has stuck with me even through stupid shit
we may be just friends but you will always be my taetae.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-23 03:54:10 +0000 UTC]

3/22/19 ; 10:52 pm

i guess this is the last time i talk to you.
no more showing my feelings.
no more telling how i feel.
no more saying what i want.
no more venting.
i'll be fine.
i'll be ok.
i'll be good.
i'll slowly remove all feelings.
i'll become something that people like.
thanks for listening. i love you lun, and goodbye.
sorry. this is for the best. no one can know.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-23 03:47:44 +0000 UTC]

3/22/19 ; 10:45 pm

if only time could be turned back
back to when i simply never existed
so i wouldn't have to live this life
so i wouldn't have to cry every night 
in pain
in sorrow
in despair
in misery
in loneliness
so i wouldn't have to feel worthless
so i wouldn't have to be hurt this way.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-17 06:03:50 +0000 UTC]

3/17/19 ; 1:02 am

slowly rotting away
slowly being forgotten
but it's fine
i was never needed
i was never useful
i was never ok
i was never good enough

i was never meant to breathe.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-10 01:48:28 +0000 UTC]

3/9/19 ; 7:46 pm

why is it coming back?
this feeling, growing from the pit of my stomach?
i want it to be over
i just want it to be over
don't look at me like that
don't talk to me like that
don't smile at me
don't say those words
you're only making me remember it again and i don't want to get hurt again
i don't want to get hurt knowing you don't feel the same

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-08 04:38:52 +0000 UTC]

3/7/19 ; 10:36 pm

the more i read the worse it gets
is there hope for me?
can i really be truly happy?
can i smile without breaking internally?
what went wrong? what happened to when it was just me and aaron yan?
i know it's not positive thinking but
sometimes i just wish i was back in 2012
all alone
but i was ok
because i had aaron yan
and he had me
and life was simple
but sweet

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-06 05:37:59 +0000 UTC]

3/5/19 ; 11:36 pm

how to: feel like worthless shit
1) forget about how your words can be sensitive to others
2) become too busy with crap
3) fall asleep on everyone
4) exist
5) know that your entire existence is useless
6) know that you're just a disappointment
7) know that no one loves you

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-03 21:12:47 +0000 UTC]

3/3/19 ; 3:12 pm

i'm fine
i'm fine
i'm fine
just sad
just lonely
just hurt
just confused
just torn
just disappointed in myself
but i'm fine

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-03 05:13:47 +0000 UTC]

3/2/19 ; 11:13 pm

wake me up from this dream i don't want to dream anymore
is it real? is it true?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-02 08:03:40 +0000 UTC]

3/2/19 ; 2:03 am

i don't want to come back anymore

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-01 05:22:51 +0000 UTC]

2/28/19 ; 11:21 pm

if only i could just disappear
if i could just disappear
vanish
die
cease to exist
atop breathinf
let my heartbear stop
let mt brajn die

it hurts
it hurts so mudh roo much i dont know wha tto do anymore what is worth it??? what's worrh all this pain???? is it you, vinn y? are tou going to sgay by my side forever?
are you goinf to leave ne like everyone has?
are tou goinf to wish i was neve e boren?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-03-01 05:02:12 +0000 UTC]

2/28/19 ; 10:58 pm

as tears fall down my face i can do nothing but c ry
and cry my heart out
because i want to make you happy
but i don't know if i am
and i don't want you to feel like shit because of me
everything is everywhere and i can't think straight anymore i just want to love you but it's so hard it's so hard!!! it's so hard letting you feel like this and being depressed and i thoufht love could magically cure it
but it can't
i hppe soon it can thouggh
because i don't want to let you suffer
i don't want you to be hurt by me
i don't want you to ignore me
you mean everyrhing to me
even iff we don't talk all the time
and were busy
my heart is always with you
so please...don't cry anymore...im here....im not like everyone else...im staying...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-02-28 07:04:30 +0000 UTC]

2/28/19 ; 1:01 am

you're willing to give up on me an d throw me away because you cant live like this
it was like all my time and effort wasnt worth it
it was like it mean nothing to you
it was like i didn't matter

i dont matter, do i, really?
does anyone really enjoy being with me? really?
does anyone actually want to talk to me? really?

because you are all getting doubts
and those doubts crush me like a 5000 lb rock
you dont notice it hurt me because i smile despite it
i wish you could smile despite everything

but i guess i wasn't the cause of your smile, huh.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-02-24 06:36:40 +0000 UTC]

2/23/19 ; 12:33 am

i can feel my oxygen supply cutting off slowly
mtt lungs collapsing on themselves
my skin turning paler and paler
my feet and hands and whole body freezing under all these thick blankets
i knew my doctor told me i hadd to watch out but i didnt
turns out i moght have anemia,,,, great
turns out hemophilia runs in my dad's family,,,, genetic, a bit rare but still there
turns out my health is only deteriorating
am i going to live for a long time?

i don't know if i am. i don't know how long i'm goi g to l ice.
it doesn't matter anyways, rifht?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-02-21 04:43:28 +0000 UTC]

2/20/19 ; 10:41 pm

it's funny how all my happiness goes down the drain after i simply read comments
man...people brwak promises so easily huh?
i'm beginning to believe everyone breaks them
you won't break our promise, rogfht andre?
you'll love me forever, right andre?
you won't hurt me, right?
you won't leave me right?
i don't want to belie ce it and i hope i never will but
im just so scared
i dont want to be forgotten
everyone else forgot me
you're all i have....if you go away i dont know how I'd livce....please....stay by me...love me forever.....tell me it's true...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-02-21 04:40:54 +0000 UTC]

2/20/19 ; 10:39 pm

only these dramas can keep me from hurting myself again....
i just miss talking to my okd friends but ofc
i always fucking mess it up no one actuallt likes to talk to me im such a dumb fuck
maybe i should just disappear
i got all the taiwan dramas and spicy food... 
i havw andre.....i really miss talking to him....i get so busy and i feel like he's kinda distant towards me....ill probabltt mess up everythinf again....
you're my only comfort...i dont want to lose you too....

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-02-19 04:18:55 +0000 UTC]

2/18/19 ; 10:16 pm

the deeper i go the better it feels
i don't even know if i'm goibg to make it tomorrow lmao....
pathetic...i'm pathetic right?
cutting myself for fun....to remove all thw anger and sadness...
it's shameful but i can't stop....god my mom doesn't even know...i hope she doesn't find out
i don't want her to ge disgusted like everyone else is....
the blood is trickling and making a huge mess but it's om
i disinfected it and i have bandage wrap on it.....
its just so...eelaxing to watch the blood ooze out...so calming..so warm...so embracing...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

yangulgi [2019-02-18 13:36:52 +0000 UTC]

2/18/19 ; 7:30 am

who can i trust anymore???
i can only trust my boyfriend....everyone left me...EVERYONE...
i tried not b to be hurtful but i lashed out and i broke so many friendships....
i'm probably useless, right? i have only one friend....
ik that love doesn't cure everything
i miss him when he's gone and i feel lonely
no one else wants to be my friend...
no one else approaches me
they're all the same except him....
i only have you, andre. please, don't leave me like everyone else has..
cause if you do i dnt know what'll happen to me..
i want to see you one day and tell you i love you everyday i want to be there for you and you be there for me i want to be your shoulder to cry on and your comfort when you need someone to listen..i love you for who you are....
so pinky promise we'll be together forever, ok?
i don't want to lose you.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-02-09 07:09:47 +0000 UTC]

2/9/19 ; 1:07 am

i'm sorry
i'm not very active on this account anymore
too many memories
realizing no one was looking for me in the beginning
i was the one looking for people
no one wants to look for me
or say sorry anymore
i get it
and that's fine
i guess it just means i wasn't worth your time
i guess i wasn't worth those precious memories either
and as you all become friends with each other
you forget me
but that's ok
i'll just forget i was here

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-02-09 05:46:09 +0000 UTC]

2/8/19 ; 11:42 pm

man i haven't realized in such a long time
i really don't have anyone except my boyfriend....
everyone's turning their backs,,, they're all leaving,, they're all saying the same thing
am i really that boring?? am i really that annoying? am i really unlikable and bitchy? am i really a waste of space? does anyone enjoy talking to me,,, really? does anyone try to understand me???
i feel like everyone's slowly going against me
and i'm afraid
i'm afraid of being abandoned and i say i could care less
but god i'm lying,,, hurts like hell haha
it hurts to see ppl just pack up and leave,,,,, and say they can't trust me
am i really not trustworthy???
am i really not worth it??
am i really just a mistake??

please,,, someone,, anyone,, tell me i'm wrong
i want to have actual friends i can rely on....i can't even tell who's who anymore.....they all leave when i need friendship the most....

maybe it is my fault
no wonder
look at this,,,,
worthless,,, god..i'm worthless
i finally get it
i,, i'm worthless
i really was a mistake
no wonder everyone leaves

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-02-04 23:48:02 +0000 UTC]

2/4/19 ; 5:45 pm

god gofoddddd hhAHAHAHAH its happening again!!! THEY'RE LEAVING
EVERYONE IS LEAVING YOU
THEY ALWAYS SAY THEY WONT
BUT THEY DO
IM FUCKING DONE IT HURTS
YOU DONT TRUST ME???
DID NT YOU SAY YOU DID??
I PUT MT TRUST IN YOU
FOR ONCE
AND NOW this??
i
god why do i yrust people
they're all the same
"oh i trust you"
"you trust me right?"
" ill never leave"
"bitch i wont hurt u or leave u ever"
"we'll be best friends forever"

im tired of believing everyone.....who is telling me the truth anymore??
who can i trust?
they're all leaving...it's my fault...it always is...god...just gguckibg let my heart stop so i can die and everything will be normal

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-02-03 08:36:29 +0000 UTC]

2/3/19 ; 2:32 am

thank you for accepting me as i am. you were the greatest blessing i've had this 2019. i promise to treat you better than anyone. i promise to take care of you and love you for every little thing, no matter how bad or good. i promise to accept you, even if you're a bit weird, but so am i.
i'm glad that you chose me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-02-01 13:20:49 +0000 UTC]

2/1/19 ; 7:19 am

man i look at everyone and they happy
why do i have to suffer???? why am i not allowed to be with the one i lov e??? why do people judge me even though i've done nothing wrong to them??? am i really that worthless?
because i'm beginning to think that i'm not worth it at all.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-02-01 02:06:01 +0000 UTC]

1/31/19 ; 8:04 pm

trying to be positive...trying to forget her.....i know she doesn't love me...it hurts but I'll be ok
it hurts so much but one day she'll finally realize
and i don't know if I'm goibg t o run back to her anymore
i don't know whether i should give up
please...help..i don't want to cry anymore..i want to be happy..

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-01-31 15:04:07 +0000 UTC]

1/31/19 ; 8:59 am

god this sucks majorly
all the feelings are coming back and i wanna forget them
i want to forget you
i know you're never gonna love me....i know it's never gonna happen.....why did i try???? why did i think i could change you???
you're probably better off without me. sometimes i don't even know if you were worth it. was it???? was it worth all that pain and suffering, just to see you go to someone else??? because you wanted a break???? god i wish i could just throw my heart out this fucking sucks
i hate that i love you i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!! what hurts the most is that i still love you and i don't know how to stop.....i love everything about you but....is it worth it???? were you worth all those nights and days? were you worth it?
i'm sorry. i guess i'm never going to be enough for you. at least you're happy.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-01-31 06:14:13 +0000 UTC]

12/31/19 ; 12:14 am

aaaaaaa i need sleep but i dont wanna

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-01-31 06:04:32 +0000 UTC]

12/31/19 ; 12:03 am
always craving for more affection huh....you just cant get enough...god im so lonely i wish i had someone to cuddle with and eat snackss with

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-01-31 05:58:59 +0000 UTC]

12/30/19 ; 11:51 pm

oh man i'm always fucking up hhaha
sstupid astuoid STUPID!!!!!! ahhbsna i hate nights ai hate not being able to sleep all my emotions are messed up this sucks nann nnnnnm why cant i be happy for once gdi everything sucks why do i say shit huh!???! huh birrch u should keep your mouth fucking shut hm??? useless useless useless piece of fucki g garbage why are you so fucki g sensitivr to eveyrtning and get so hurt easily you stupid fuck why cant you die die dieeeeeeeeeee what is worth it xause im not im not worth anuything or anyones time literally everyone hates me i joke about stupid shit and im too sensitive and rude and mean and annoying and clingy and whiny and negativd and i always make people feel lole shit like tghe piece of trash i am!!!!! fuxking useless yoi shouldve been aborted aborted aborted you were a mistake your parents even said so!!! youre already starving why not stoo eating!!! your mom was right youre fucking fat look at it you have a fucking stomach and yoire a fucking oig you can never stop eatoing no wonder why all your friends irl dont like eating with you no one likes eating woth barn animals like the one you are
i hhb aahate thia i hate me qhy.cant i be positive or happy for once why am i a saxk of depression and sanger why do i lash out why am i so dense and stupid and maoe dumb jokes why am i even alive no one appreciates me not even my parents ii sjjould just jump out in the snow irs so cold and nice outsidde thwyll find mt dead frozen body nezt morning and itll be so much more relaxing and god im ceyinf i wish i was happy wiith myself but i dont know how!!!!!!!! im fucking tying but everyone makes me feel like shit idk hwo to do thisn im so sorry im sorry sorry im useless and trashy and unloveable and aoethless wjju dpes anhone even botjer nnnnnmkK why do i even try..

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-01-31 04:49:56 +0000 UTC]

12/30/19 ; 10:45 pm

i think i'm falling out of love with you, *
i don't want to
but my memories of you are fading away
the warmth i once felt is getting cold and barren
my hands are now filled with shallow and empty tears
my smile for you is slowly beginning to disappear
i'm beginning to forget the way you looked at me
the way you called me yours
the way i called you mine
i'm beginning to forget the love you had for me
and it scares me so much
i don't want to forget you
but my heart is pushing you out
please...come back...i'm beginning to forget the love i had for you...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

devilwuk [2019-01-31 04:45:43 +0000 UTC]

12/30/19 ; 10:41 pm

walls surrounded me ever since i could remember
they were torn down so many times and demolished
but i kept building them
because i was afraid
afraid of the outside
afraid of society
who else could i trust besides myself?

maybe
my walls don't have to be so high
maybe i should open the door and let it be

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

mvsochist [2019-01-31 03:44:01 +0000 UTC]

i love you >:'0

👍: 0 ⏩: 1