HOME | DD

Breakaway13 β€” A Walk Into An Ocean
#cold #depressing #drown #emotional #feeling #girl #gloomy #into #life #person #romance #sad #sea #story #an
Published: 2010-01-10 22:02:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 930; Favourites: 46; Downloads: 6
Redirect to original
Description

She's walking into a cold bitter sea

She can feel the icy water touch her on the knee

She continues to walk further and further

Then it starts to hurt her


Her veins freezing like ice

At first the coldness felt nice

But then it makes her veins turn darker blue

And thats when her uncaring thoughts grew


She's shivering and cannot stop

And soon she hears a pop

She falls deeper and deeper under the water

She starts to wonder if somebody saw her


Gasping for a breath and pleading for a rest

Sinking to the bottom and curled in a nest

With her eyes closed and unable to breathe

Then she sinks and goes deeper underneath


She's at her watery grave

It would have been better if she would have been saved

It's a walk into an ocean nobody will forget

Now she is laying in her underwater pit

Related content
Comments: 13

EmoOtakuTDCT [2013-12-09 04:29:07 +0000 UTC]

A couple minor grammar errors, but otherwise very well done

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Breakaway13 In reply to EmoOtakuTDCT [2013-12-09 05:01:37 +0000 UTC]

thanks

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

EmoOtakuTDCT In reply to Breakaway13 [2013-12-09 15:59:20 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

Psychotic-Love [2013-05-01 18:16:03 +0000 UTC]

The feels, bro...

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

madameshadowenn [2013-04-06 07:51:39 +0000 UTC]

Hello! I’m just leaving you a comment to say that I have used the title of this piece to help me create a found poem, which can be found here: [link]

I’ve given you full credit in the author comment section, but if you really don’t want me to use your title, just let me know and I’ll take it out!
Thank you

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Breakaway13 In reply to madameshadowenn [2013-04-06 18:22:31 +0000 UTC]

hey i don't mind at all! thanks for letting me know and using it

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

madameshadowenn In reply to Breakaway13 [2013-04-07 07:23:27 +0000 UTC]

Awesome, thank you

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Breakaway13 In reply to madameshadowenn [2013-04-07 18:51:41 +0000 UTC]

your welcome

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

WykydWyka [2013-03-21 16:38:48 +0000 UTC]

impressive!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Breakaway13 In reply to WykydWyka [2013-03-22 02:03:42 +0000 UTC]

thanks!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

Unpredictabloo [2013-02-19 00:15:23 +0000 UTC]

I love this! The word choice is very clever throughout. Sounds like song lyrics. Every now and again the rhythm seemed just a tad off, like there were extra words here and there, but eh, small details.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Breakaway13 In reply to Unpredictabloo [2013-02-19 20:24:50 +0000 UTC]

thanks yea, i tried to keep it flowing well, while maintaining the story in it wrote it a few years ago.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

OnyxAradia [2010-01-10 22:16:27 +0000 UTC]

Wow, that's amazingly written

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0