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#charcoal #darkfantasy #ghosty #silent #desolated
Published: 2020-08-20 19:49:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 154; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 0
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I don't think it's a home....I made this in the same way as writing a journal entry. It can't get more personal than that.
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Comments: 20
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Yes indeed....
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I know that it speaks to me a lot, but I'm honestly afraid to know the true nature of this. And even if I did, I would find it hard to accept. Sometimes fantasy gets a bit too real for me like this.
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Alright so... it took me a long time... like really. I'm having an existential crisis, and I've unlimited reasons to... nothing??? It's impossible to describe it, let alone there's a word for it. It's faster with art, but it would have to be a comic book for this which I'd rather not. But it strangely doesn't stop me from doing what I like to do. The most closest words I can think of is: in vain, betrayal, and denial. I don't think I'm surviving.
Don't worry it's definitely not your fault. I did this to myself, I know it.
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I'd rather believe that what I'm in the past, present, and future is already determined and that can't change, and I'm judging it. And I also believe that chaos is part of destiny anyway. I can't ask for help like this. What do I know of nothing? Nothing of course, except proof. And then I'm supposed to say 'thanks'? It's hard for me to believe that anything changes. Maybe it isn't like that, but I need evidence. After all, I can't trust anyone this much, and mostly I better believe my falling from grace because life is.... It just is. How could you possibly help me???
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The fact is that most of my friends and family would be so done with my despair but that doesn't mean that they don't care, rather on the other hand. They suggested therapy, and I obviously rejected most of the time until it became too clear when I tried to take my own life. In short they feel overwhelmed and less powerful to talk me to some sense which is why they delegated it all to my psychologist.
I didn't see any point on remaining objective to your question. Frankly, I wouldn't know that it wasn't a test of my personality. It's meant to be that I think because I don't know anything else. Who wouldn't be true to themselves? But why would I be personal about it? Because my personality is wrong. I think my personality is the one I bully constantly. That bully is my personality anyway so it's a feedback loop. It just feels wrong to be someone else and even get friends with it. It's not right....
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Also what it was meant to look like looked way more fucking darker than this. It's also how one of my character's origin story starts.
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I think it is. I want to believe it. But maybe it's as if I'd casted mist at nostalgia itself. It's like I wanted to forget the long lost piece of happiness, because it was fraudulent.
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