Comments: 15
PineRain [2013-11-12 21:26:16 +0000 UTC]
awesome! Great concept!
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stitchpunkz [2012-09-29 13:48:10 +0000 UTC]
Did you come up with this story? It's really nice!
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drosera-sundews In reply to stitchpunkz [2012-09-29 14:10:56 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! Just randomly I guess.
hmm, I'm still suspicious. Did you read it entirely?
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stitchpunkz In reply to drosera-sundews [2012-09-29 14:32:26 +0000 UTC]
Yes, I did
You want critique on it?
Cause I could give that if you want...
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stitchpunkz In reply to drosera-sundews [2012-09-29 14:58:16 +0000 UTC]
Okey
First off all, I like the idea of the story
It's cute, short and the ending a bit unexpected
The way it's told however...
Well, you could really brush up on that
The way it's currently written sounds more like a rough draft, where you just wrote down everything you thought of (and I think you did)
Erm, let me try to word this better
My study is about these things so I should be able to do this
Wait, yes, got it
You're telling us what happened, the action
But the way you're telling it, the plot (oh god, I feel like I'm acting all smart, but this is at least partly so I can make better sense of it as well) is lacking
It's kinda of a list of things that happened, told from two points of view. One of them being what the villagers thought had happened and one what had actually happened
Hmm, this kind of feels a bit too general, but I'll post this now and if you have any questions, I'll try to explain better (also cause I don't want to word vomit all over you)
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stitchpunkz In reply to drosera-sundews [2012-09-29 18:14:56 +0000 UTC]
saknafsokndsomidhdmokp
I wrote a complete reply, then my browser decided to go to another page and it was lost ;_;
First of all
It's possible (interesting, but slightly macabre example is 'The Company of Wolves' by Angela Carter)
Actually, I just realised, what you might need a little more is narrative detail
Things that aren't necessary/part of the story, but kind of paint a picture
At the same time, you already have that
I dunno
Not being helpful here
Maybe I can write a couple of paragraphs for you? As some sortf example (though at the same time that can turn out as a 'I think it just sounds better if you say it slightly different' though that's at least partly what it's about)
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drosera-sundews In reply to stitchpunkz [2012-09-29 19:06:07 +0000 UTC]
O that doesn't matter. You may rewrite the entire story... I would in fact find that quite interesting to read. So if you would like it and have the time, then please go ahead!
By the way, I googled 'the company of wolves' but I only found the movie. I bet that's not what you mean right?
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stitchpunkz In reply to drosera-sundews [2012-09-29 19:09:09 +0000 UTC]
Also, I might when I've got the time
Maybe as soon as tomorrow
Maybe within a year
Dunno
But I'd love to
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stitchpunkz In reply to drosera-sundews [2012-09-29 19:07:55 +0000 UTC]
No you have to google it in combination with the writers name
Then you'll probably find it
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