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A Fox Serum Storyby grapehyacinth

Playing Possum: Mary Michelin's “Fun With Fox Serum” Column for the week of February 21

Welcome to my column for this week. Those of you who follow me regularly know how much I enjoy transforming using the Fox Serum. You've accompanied me through all my amazing animal adventures, and you know I always have a great time in animal form. Unfortunately, my latest Fox Serum excursion has brought up a serious problem that has yet to be addressed.
Because, yes, this time, I almost was killed.
Read on about my latest, well, catastrophe...

I'm willing to try anything related to transforming. As you know, I have ties to the Fox Serum labs, so I'm always one of the first to try new serums. For a previous column, and you might remember that one, I had interviewed Dr. Craig Welton, head and founder of the lab. One of the questions I'd posed was in regard to length of the actual transformation. Most people, apparently, don't like their changes to be too drawn out. I kind of like my transformation to more gradual so I can actually watch the changes progress. Anyway, I asked Dr. Welton which serum contained the most drawn-out transformation.
His response was “I'll have them send you a couple of samples.”
You can bet how excited I was every time the mailman came. Even in the February cold, I'd run out jacketless and check the mail.
When the box came, I was so thrilled that I opened it right there on the street. “Awesome!” I actually said aloud as I combed through the four labeled samples. Which animal to be first? Frog, leopard, lobster, or opossum?
And what unusual choices! Just what I liked!
That's when my neighbor Tracy (not her real name) came by and noted the brightly-colored “FOX LABS” box in my hands.
“Are you seriously going to be something again, Mary?” She looked into the box. “Eww! Why would anyone be a lobster or, eww! An opossum? Gross! You'll be rabid!”
Sometimes I wondered if Tracy had ever left high school. Even at forty, she still acted like a sophomore. And no, she never reads my column. She says it's disgusting.
“Opossums are very unlikely to be rabid, Tracy. You must know that.”
“They're scary-looking.”
“I think they're cute,” I said, and right then and there, I knew what I was going to become first.
“Oh, hey, gotta go. The exterminator's in my driveway.”
“Why?”
“I'm scared I have termites.”
Tracy walked back to her house, and I rubbed the “Opossum” bottle in my hand. That was definitely what I needed to become.

The bottle of opossum serum described a daunting eighteen-hour long change, and, once transformed, it would be eighteen days until the user changed back. I could totally do that, I decided. I arranged my leave from work, promising my boss a great column about my time as an animal – as always.
Who knew that this time I was going to be lucky to escape with my life...

The first hour of my change really was uneventful. The wash of feel-good painkiller drugs in the serum had me in the usual euphoria, but other than some itchiness in my very bones, not much seemed to be happening. I didn't even feel the tingle of fur growing from my skin yet.
I sat down in front of the TV and caught up on my shows. As I did, I began to notice an odd pressure in my face, of all places. Different animals and serums have different progressions of changes, but I often seemed to grow fur first before anything.
This time, however, there was a constant, nagging pressure mostly in my lower jaw.
In excitement, I jumped up and gazed at myself in the bathroom mirror. Was I imagining it, or was my jaw jutting out a bit? I actually ran back and grabbed my laptop, typing in “Opossum” to see a good picture of one. Yes, their whole lower face consisted of that long needle-nosed snout I remembered from past wildlife encounters.
I giggled. I couldn't wait until I had one of those cute pink noses!
I sat back down and continued watching TV, shifting in the chair frequently. By the third hour, I noted that the chair seemed a little bit bigger and more cavernous than usual. Again, I shook my head in surprise. Still no fur yet, but I was beginning to shrink. Height change usually happened a bit later on in my transformations. This more-gradual serum was definitely different than most.
Sasha, my boss, called around then, asking me how my transformation was going.
“Great!” I answered, just like she'd asked me how a haircut or a first date had gone.
“Are you wearing your 'Fox Socks'?”
“Oh, my God! I actually forgot! I gotta go!” I hung up quickly and ran into my bedroom. There, in my top drawer, was a brand-new pair of socks, which I pulled on quickly. As Sasha was well-aware, one of my favorite parts of transforming was seeing my growing claws pop through my socks. It sounds weird, but...well, I like it.
So, feet adorned in my “Fox Socks”, I kicked back in front of the TV again.
Finally, by hour four, I experienced the familiar feel of fur sprouting from my skin. This was a brownish-gray, coarse fur, tinged here and there with white. I'd had some beautiful coats in my Fox Serum forays, and this one wasn't the most glamorous, but it would definitely help keep me warm against the February weather outside.
As the fur growth progressed, I had the urge to scratch. “Better do it now before I have those sharp claws!” I smiled to myself. I stood up and gave myself a luxurious, all-body scratch-down. Then I went back into the bathroom to check out how I was doing in general.
In observing my face once more, I now could see the beginnings of my snout. My whole jaw was growing forward while my lips were thinning and darkening. My facial skin was slowly being lost under a coating of whitish fur.
I looked back at the picture on my laptop. Yes, opossums had whitish fur on their faces.
I'd also lost a good half foot in height. I love shrinking.
At hour five, I felt that familiar pressure against my “Fox Socks”, and I knew the altering of my hands and feet had begun. My fingers were becoming thin and spindly, while my nails were blackening and growing sharp. Minutes later, my new claws ripped through my socks, and I clapped my hands in glee. I don't know why I loved this so much – I think it's kind of like the caged animal in me is finally bursting out. Anyway, I pulled off the shredded remainder of my socks and admired my changing feet. I realized that I'd have to get outside within the next few hours because I wouldn't be able to lock up the house using paws.
By the time my ears had shrunk and migrated higher on my head, I was tired. I didn't want to miss one minute of my changes, but I knew at some point I'd have to get some sleep or I wouldn't fully get to enjoy my first hours as an opossum. And the beginning part of being in a new form is often the most fun. Your body is still tingly with the changes (and those wonderful painkillers), and getting used to a new body is exciting!
Meanwhile, the wind was blowing up outside, and I wondered if it was going to storm. As cold as it was, these were actually above-average temperatures for February, so I figured living outside shouldn't be too bad. I always like my experiences as an animal to be as authentic as possible, as you probably know if you've been following my past columns. No opossums curled up in front of the fireplace for me!
Clad only in the sweatshirt and jeans I was wearing, I grabbed my house keys as well as I could and ventured outside. It was a cold night, and I shivered against the wind. I pulled shut the door behind me and had to fight to lock it. By now I was face-to-face with the doorknob, and my hands were so reduced that it was hard to twist the key in the lock.
But eventually I managed, and I dug a hole in the dirt and deposited the keys there. In covering it back up, I discovered that my new claws did help me dig. But the pads of my hands had become much more sensitive, so I had a feeling opossums weren't really into digging.
As I let the serum work its 'magic', I paced through my yard. Despite the fact that my neighbor Tracy's porch light was on next door, I realized that my eyesight was getting worse, which I expected. But my sense of smell had increased tenfold at least, and it was getting better with every passing moment.
By now, I could look down and see a true snout where my mouth and nose once had been. I giggled at the sight of my long-anticipated pink button-nose and knew I had to go get a look at myself. With a deep yawn, I scuttled over to the side of my house where long ago I had set up an old full-length mirror to check out my changes. I always got a kick of watching myself transform. Those intermediate stages between human and animal were fascinating to me.
My image was hard to make out with my changing eyes. They themselves had become dark and beady, and my ears were now black and small on the top of my head. They looked funny hanging there amongst the mousy-brown waves of my hair. That would be gone soon enough...
I tried to turn around to see if I was forming a tail yet and managed to trip over my jeans. They were way too big and long on me now, and I fell to the ground.
I attempted to untwist myself from my clothes, only succeeding in pulling part of my pants down. The cold wind bit through the thin cotton of my loose underwear, and I shivered despite the fur that was growing thicker with time. “I wish it would fill in already,” I murmured, rubbing at it. Then I accidentally bit my tongue.
This was not pleasant. I was growing an impressive set of maybe fifty sharp teeth, and my tongue had thinned and lengthened. My mouth felt completely off, like things weren't where they should be, and I ended up sinking my teeth into the middle of my tongue. Yes, despite the serum in me, this resulted in momentary pain. I tasted blood, and I wondered whether my blood was more human or more opossum at this point. The good thing was, since I was still changing, it was likely I'd heal very quickly. The Serum made sure whatever you became, it was perfect.
But my transforming body was growing so weary, I couldn't continue to fight. I gave in to sleep, curling around in my clothes to keep warm.

I awoke far before dawn. Maybe this was because opossums are nocturnal, so the opossum part of me felt it was supposed to be awake. Or maybe the changes jolted me from my nap. Who knew? I just hoped I wouldn't fall asleep later in the day. I wanted to finish changing first before I let the opossum instincts take over.
My sleep had been a restless. I was vaguely aware of my very form shifting and twisting. When I tried to rise, I found myself completely covered by my shirt. I could no longer stand up, so I had to crawl out of the collar. When I emerged, I could see I was not going to be walking on two legs for a long time. I was pretty close to being completely opossum.
When I looked back in the mirror, a bizarre animal looked back. I was opossum, but my legs were still a bit too long and thick, and my rat-like tail was still growing in. But the face I stared into was no longer Mary's. It was a female opossum's.
Oh, I'm so cute! I thought. I even have those little whiskers all around my face!
I wanted to announce my presence to the world with a loud squeal, but something held me back. The opossum instincts were already kicking in. I wanted to go hide more than anything else.
The first signs of sunrise pushed me even more. I needed to go hole up somewhere and sleep, but I was hungry. Another look at the mirror showed me to be more well-proportioned, but also had me in for a shock.
I had a pouch. I forgot all about the fact that opossums were marsupials.
Experimentally, I prodded at the flap of skin, then pushed my paw down into it. Now that was weird.
I straightened up and glanced in the mirror once more in satisfaction. I was done. One less human in the world, one more opossum in my backyard!

A smell hit my nose, and my animal stomach gurgled. I followed the scent carefully, balancing awkwardly on my new toes. I had to eat. All that transforming made me hungry. It always seemed to have that effect on me.
And there was my garbage can, open, and a raccoon gorging itself on the old tuna casserole it had pulled free. Damn, that stinky food smelled good.
The idea of eating it horrified the human part of me as it was over a week old. But I'd been an animal frequently enough that I knew, having the stomach of a scavenger, I'd be fine.
I approached the raccoon, my heart thumping. What if it had rabies? What if I contracted rabies, even though it was nearly impossible as opossums had a very low body temperature? Could I die from rabies before turning back to a person?
The raccoon paid me no heed, and I knew opossums almost never attacked or were threatening, so the raccoon was probably used to creatures like me. I went over to a small pile of pasta that had fallen behind the garbage can and sank my nose into it. Damn, it was delicious – mold and all.
As I feasted hungrily, I felt eyes on me. I turned to see the raccoon staring at me furiously. The opossum instincts took over, and I bared my teeth at him.
He flicked his tail angrily.
A bit of drool escaped my mouth, and I hissed. My heart was thumping, however, and the urge to play dead was starting to come over me. No, I'd never do that. I could win out over a raccoon any day!
But the raccoon seemed to lose interest in my small treasure, and he went off into the woods. It was time for him to sleep, and I knew I should as well.

I awoke as darkness set in. Now I was full of energy, but hungry again too. I visited my garbage cans once more, but the birds and squirrels had made away with the rest of the food. A slug was sucking at the leftover juices.
Yes, I ate the slug.

Now I crept around, enjoying my new form, exploring all the crevices and crannies around my house. I allowed the opossum instincts to take over. I always found it interesting to let myself simply be the creature; I learned so much more about its habits and preferences this way as opposed to reading or watching nature stories. Who knew opossums ate slugs? Ah, the way my sharp teeth ripped that thing to shreds...God, it was so delicious...
A racket next door proclaimed Tracy's return from work. She was cursing her ex-husband on her cellphone while juggling two grocery bags she'd removed from her car. Oh, yes, it was the perfect time...
Hissing and foaming at the mouth, I ran at her from the bushes.
“It has rabies!” she screamed. “Oh my God!” She dropped everything and ran hysterically into the house.
Damn, I had a feast on those groceries.

I took several of Tracy's leftovers and hid them away in a hollow in the woods. I wasn't sure if opossums did this or not, but the human part of me was being cautious. The sky looked threatening, and I could feel the weather shifting further. If conditions got bad, I still needed to be able to eat.

For the rest of the night, I did what (I assume) most opossums did. I sniffed around looking for food despite the fact that I knew I had Tracy's groceries as back-up. There were so many tasty morsels just ripe for the taking. Even in February. I won't tell you what else I ingested, but several of my snacks were far worse than old tuna casserole or slugs.
I was having a great night. Running through the underbrush as a small fuzzy creature was fun – until an owl flew overhead.
Terrified, I rushed back and curled up in the hollow beside my food stash. I did not want to be torn apart and eaten. That would not be a pretty death.
I cowered there, the opossum urges very strong. I wanted to roll up and play dead. I think I either fainted or fell asleep, but the next thing I knew, something cold was falling on my coat.
I opened my eyes to see myself covered in snow. It was snowing furiously, and the wind was blowing it into my eyes. My bare feet ached in the cold. I needed better shelter than this.
I shook myself off and stood at the edge of the woods. My house was sealed up tight, but a thought occurred to me. Had Tracy ever sealed up the hole under her roof by her gutter? I had told her that she'd get animals in there at some point. Animals in Tracy's attic – the biggest nightmare that woman could have...
I traipsed through the two inches of snow, sinking in at every step, but happily, I could still see the hole. I scrambled up the gutter and pulled myself through the siding. The opening was just the right size for a svelte opossum like myself, and I pushed through into her nice warm attic.
I slept the day away, warm and safe.

At twilight, my growling stomach forced me to look outside. The storm was still going full force, and if I ventured out in it, I would probably drown in the foot or two of snow on the ground.
I had to get into Tracy's kitchen.
I waited for the last sounds of the household to die away, which easily had to be around one or two in the morning. My stomach was angrier than I'd felt in a long time, whether in human or animal form. The question was, how was I to get inside the house from the attic? The only opening seemed to be a square attic door in the middle of the rafters, and it was shut solid.
Well, hopefully my claws would help there.
I wended my way through the various boxes and inserted my thin “fingers” into the crack between the floor and the door. But I overestimated my strength. Try as I could, I could not budge the door. I pulled and yanked, but all I succeeded in doing was scratching large dents in the wood. Then I heard stirring, and light flowed through the crack.
Tracy was awake! I had to stop, or I'd be discovered.
Nervously, I curled up in a corner. But I couldn't relax or sleep at all. All I could imagine was that door opening...

I must have fallen off at sunrise. The next thing I knew, it was getting dark again, and there was a flurry of activity in the house below me. I couldn't make out the muffled conversation, but there was definitely a man present, fielding Tracy's usual hysterical banter.
And then the attic door squeaked open.
I froze on the spot, still foggy with the sleep of an opossum. My little heart pounded, and I bared my teeth as the top of a ladder poked through the open door.
“You see it? You see the scratch marks, Marty? There's an animal up there! I told you!”
“Okay, okay! Chill out, Tracy! I'm going up!”
I saw a hand grab onto the side of the door, and a man hoisted himself into the attic. He placed a cage down beside him.
Stupid opossum-me began to hiss and foam at the mouth. I was not human now. I was pure opossum, and my heart felt like it would explode in fear.
“Opossum,” Marty said without much interest.
“Does it have rabies? They're all over here! That one the other day had rabies! It was hissing and trying to bite me!”
Marty took a step in my direction. “I don't think opossums can even get rabies, Tracy. Come here, little guy!”
He had on thick gloves and some kind of hook apparatus in his hand. But that cage scared the hell out of me the most. This guy was here to kill me.
I tried to flee, but he was after me, and I was too slow...
The terror was overwhelming...
I rolled into a ball and darkness overcame me.

I awoke to feel cold bars biting into my back. I was in a metal cage in the back of a truck. The back was wide open, and I could see Marty and Tracy conversing in the snow.
“Yeah,” he laughed. “Sometimes they get so scared, they don't just play dead. They actually pass out. That's what this girl did here. Kind of a wussy animal.”
My heart started palpitating again, and I fought the urge to play dead once more. This Marty person was obviously the animal control guy, and if I didn't do something soon, I'd be off to my death.
I stood on my hind legs and began to wave and squeal furiously.
Marty hardly looked my way.
Tracy's eyes bulged. “It's got rabies! I told you!”
“It's just scared.”
“No! It's...waving at me and...it looks like it wants to bite my head off!”
Honestly, at this point, I did.
Marty watched me for seconds. “Well, we're required to test for it if we suspect it.”
“Suspect? That thing is messed up! Get it out of here before we all get rabies!”
Marty rolled his eyes and closed the back of the truck.
I fainted again.

Something was prodding me, and then I felt a sharp pain. I squeaked.
“Sorry, girl. Just taking some blood,” said a soft male voice.
I opened my eyes to make out a man roughly my age. He wore a lab coat, and a new fear set in. This was a lab, not an animal control facility. Was I here just to be tested, or was I going to become a lab animal? I was totally against all animal testing, and yet I might be becoming the next subject.
I began to feel faint, but fought valiantly to stay conscious.
“Nice animal there, Sam,” said another man somewhere nearby.
“Yup. She got herself stuck in someone's attic. Animal control gave her to me. Steve, let's run her blood.”

The Sam person came by with some old fruit. Oh, boy, was it good.
He laughed as he watched me eat. “You like that, huh, girl?”
I looked up and nodded hungrily.
He missed my action completely.

The room I was in appeared to be Sam's own lab. He spent much of his time typing into a computer, I noticed. When the man named Steve came in with a paper, Sam grasped it happily. Steve walked out, and Sam came up to me.
“We got your test results. You're nice and healthy, girl! Now we can see what you can do!”
I gazed up at him. He had a sweet face, and he looked like he couldn't harm a soul. Was he really going to hurt me? Of course my instincts told me to freak out, but those eyes of his... They pulled the human female me to the surface...
I'm a person! Please don't hurt me...
Yet after the experience with Tracy, I decided against gesticulating wildly right away. I had to find the right time.
“You're a pretty girl,” he murmured. “Such pretty eyes...” He paused a moment, looking back at me uncertainly, then shrugged.

There was a side door to my cage. When it opened, I cowered in the far corner.
“Come on, girl,” came Sam's voice. “I won't hurt you. Don't you smell that nice fruit? It's all for you. Just go out and get it.”
He wasn't going to hurt me, and I believed him. I followed my nose through what amounted to a very easy maze and chowed down appreciatively. Sam only stared.
“Wow. I've never seen it done so fast,” he said aloud.
I think I smiled.
His mouth fell open.

Sam tried me out on several more mazes, which I aced. Honestly, I just wanted the food at the end of them. Now he was typing furiously, and I wondered just what he was studying. Opossum behavior?
I kept toying with trying to let him in on what I really was, but at the same time, I was beginning to enjoy my situation, I'm embarrassed to admit. Sam was adorable in his scientific cluelessness, and I was beginning to fall for him.
Sam came in and out, and days were starting to go by. There were no windows in the lab, so my sleep schedule was dictated by his comings and goings – in addition to my animal instincts. He put me through more and more complicated tests, ranging from obstacle courses to memory tasks. One day, after my obeying a series of complicated orders, he threw himself back in a chair, flabbergasted.
“This is why I wanted to study the opossum!” he exclaimed, smashing his fingers against the computer keyboard. “You're why! I knew they were brilliant, but no one cared. They say you're worthless rats, but you do so much for the ecosystem! You're completely misunderstood!”
And I nodded.
He stopped, slowly shaking his head back and forth in shock. “Did you just...nod?”
I let out my breath. The game was up. I made what I figured was a silly smile. To him it probably looked murderous with all those teeth I was showing.
He stood up quickly, gazing down at me. “Run in a circle!”
I did.
“Oh no,” he moaned, collapsing down in a chair. “No...no....” He paused and then spat, “Goddamn Fox Serum!”
He took a deep breath and cracked his knuckles. “You're a freaking person. Goddamn it, all that research for nothing. Damn, damn, damn...” He threw down his arms on the desk and put his head down. “Oh, God.”
He finally turned back to look at me. “Why did you make me go through this all? Why didn't you try to tell me?” He opened up the cage, and I walked guiltily out.
“How much longer do you have before you change back?”
I could only shrug. I honestly didn't know.
Gingerly, he ran a finger down my back. “You are really cute.” Then he snatched his hand back. “You are a woman, right? You're not a man that became a female animal?”
I chuckled to myself, and I think he realized because he smiled.
“I'm glad. Because I do think you're beautiful. I'm looking forward to meeting you in real life. Unless you want me to bring you back to your house to change back?”
I shook my head no. It was kind of nice being here with him, and how was I to tell him my address, anyway?
“I'll get you more fruit. I know you love it.”

Sam noticed my fur falling out before I did. He woke me up from the soft cushion he'd set up for me in the corner. “You're turning back!” he exclaimed in excitement.
I was glad, but I knew the changeback would be long just like the changes. I only wished it was a faster one now. I wanted to be with Sam...as a person.
He brushed away some of the lost fur, and I realized he was shaking.
“You change a lot?” he asked.
I nodded vigorously.
He sat down on the floor beside me. “Not me. Ever since the guys here spiked my drink with a serum...” he paused, reddening. “I was a ficus plant for a week. They kept me in the conference room.”
I tried to roll my eyes. It was tough.
“Yes, first I was enraged. I never take vacations, and my boss kept telling me to. Finally they forced it on me.”
I blinked.
“I'll admit, it was restful, but I had so much to do, and I couldn't even move! At least if I'd been an animal, I might have been able to work still!”
This guy was hysterical. I wanted to hug him then and there.

My changeback was as slow as my transformation, but Sam remained with me the whole time. He covered me with a lab coat as my female figure returned, and he held me close as I shivered through the remainder of my changes.
We're dating now.

So yes, I narrowly escaped death this time. I'm lucky that animal control gave me to Sam and didn't exterminate me as another pesky rabid animal. But what's to stop this from happening to someone else?
I contacted Craig Welton once more, and he is already working on the matter. His scientists are hoping to create some time of marker that, when a person is transformed by the Serum, they are still easily identifiable as a person. But the technology is not there yet, and I can only beg all Fox Serum users that, until this is available, you be very careful. If you're going to roam the streets as a cat, wear a collar identifying who and what you are. If you're going to be a mouse or small animal, stay in the confines of your own home. I don't know if anyone has been accidentally killed in animal form yet, but it can happen to any one of us. Tell everyone what your plans are. It still bothers me that my neighbor Tracy didn't figure out that I was the opossum that had accosted her and then took up residence in her attic. After all, she did see the bottle of Fox Serum I'd gotten in the mail.
And remember, the Fox Serum is no magic potion. If you die in animal form, you are dead. There's no coming back from that, no matter what science comes up with.

Be safe, friends. And until next time, change with caution.