Comments: 21
TheSkaldofNvrwinter [2011-09-17 08:25:04 +0000 UTC]
If you have criticism, I can give it. I'll have to go over it a time or two more, but I can. I have 'some' experience writing. More, at this point, than experience with art, although art is gaining on the outside turn.
They are not out-of-story references. They are called allusions. As long as the character is set at a time they would know those allusions, they ground a story in a certain reality.
I don't agree. I think switching to second person is disconcerting. But I will go into more detail if you wish. I know you requested a critique, but this is only a snippet.
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RedGreyV [2011-09-17 08:16:48 +0000 UTC]
I agree with everything Insanegigglemonster just said. Your wording and structure of the story reminds me much of Lord of the Flies, descriptive and intelligent, yet simple enough for someone less literature-understanding to follow. For me, I sometimes have a hard time with books and stories because either A: I lose interest (which did not happen in this case, if you have more, I am really looking forward to reading it ) or B: I just can't follow well (Which happened with David Copperfield, I had a horrible time with that book, which is surprising, because I ended up really loving it).
I am also interested in knowing the backdrop of this story, and admittingly, post-apocalypticness is my thing (every desktop I have is post-apocalyptic nowadays), so, you know, if that's the avenue you take..... lol.
I also don't have any critiques to give on this. But if a lady really must defend herself, a 5 or 6 shot revolver would work way better than a shotgun for defense purposes, while it packs a lot of power, loading it would be a drag JUST SAYIN'...
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LittleWyrdOwl In reply to RedGreyV [2011-09-18 05:13:50 +0000 UTC]
Yes lol I know about the shotgun that from the very begining was to be thrown out the window. I just was all whatever at the time writing it just writing everything i pictured in my mind at that moment. I never edited it or put much thought into having it make sense. and thank you very much
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RedGreyV In reply to LittleWyrdOwl [2011-09-22 06:24:11 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome =]. Well it turned out fantastically nonetheless!
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LittleWyrdOwl In reply to RedGreyV [2011-09-23 03:38:26 +0000 UTC]
thank you! that means very much!
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RedGreyV In reply to LittleWyrdOwl [2011-09-27 07:34:41 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome =], I'm working on a winter story (Christmasy feelings have just been bunching up inside me lately, I had to write about winter) I might post it if it turns out ok. I used to write all the time and have tons of stories (all unfinished lol).
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LittleWyrdOwl In reply to RedGreyV [2011-09-28 04:03:22 +0000 UTC]
oh sounds like me.. plenty of unfinished
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RedGreyV In reply to LittleWyrdOwl [2011-09-28 07:19:04 +0000 UTC]
It's really easy to start, but the more information you put and the more settled you become with the general layout, the harder it is to suppress new ideas that counteract what you have already come up with.
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LittleWyrdOwl In reply to RedGreyV [2011-09-29 04:09:15 +0000 UTC]
exactly! It gets tangled and twisted.. and then you don't know where to go from there
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RedGreyV In reply to LittleWyrdOwl [2011-09-29 06:01:40 +0000 UTC]
Very true! It's also hard to remember in-depth information you write towards the beginning, I always end up writing something contradictory later on.
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LittleWyrdOwl In reply to RedGreyV [2011-09-29 06:03:30 +0000 UTC]
lol I do the exact same thing.
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RedGreyV In reply to LittleWyrdOwl [2011-09-29 06:40:02 +0000 UTC]
Maybe sometime we should do a duo-story, one of us would write one part, then the other one would write another, etc. I tried that with my friends Brittany and Tori when we were about 12, we finished one round and forgot about it, I still have it saved somewhere...
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LittleWyrdOwl In reply to RedGreyV [2011-10-01 03:09:09 +0000 UTC]
we should!!! that would be cool!
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TheDarkestSonata [2011-09-17 07:48:58 +0000 UTC]
This is a very interesting segment that you've presented us with. Your writing was very descriptive without, I feel, trying overly hard to be. I was able to picture a lot of your scenes in my head, so great job with that.
I also enjoyed your out-of-story references, like Ichabod Crane or the maniacal, chainsaw wielding psychopath. It helps to give the reader some context on how they should be feeling when they read it. Another interesting thing was how you decided to go with "you" in your story rather than "he" or some other third person. It really draws the reader in. It was surprising for me to be reading about you and your story and then for me to be suddenly a part of it - a very cool twist. Though, the use of "you" could be attributed to how you address earlier characters in an earlier part of your novel and have nothing to do with the written fourth wall. In any case, I was pleasantly surprised.
I am very interested to read more, if you'll be posting it here or elsewhere, because I am burning to know the back story. It seems almost like it's post-apocalyptic or during a zombie invasion or something - who are these "survivors"? What have they survived? What's the deal with the visions?
I really don't have any criticism that you wouldn't be able to address by just editing it, but I really do want to read more. Excellent job
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