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Lopoddity — My Better Half

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Published: 2019-11-03 21:51:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 731179; Favourites: 5023; Downloads: 0
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Magnolia May resisted sparing a nervous glance to the wall clock. A proper lady didn't count seconds. No ma'am.


She snuck a peek. Two minutes to go.


Her gut buzzed, like she'd chugged a whole barrel of twittermites. She'd never been on an official, honest-to-goodness date before- she'd been tickled absolutely pink when Pandora asked to meet up for a milkshake. Their grand romantic affair thus far had been a clumsy parade of giggles and stolen glances, walking the other home every day, both parties desperately trying to look cool and aloof and not stupidly excited to trade shy kisses. Magnolia was especially fond of how Panny cradled her hooves within her enormous lion paws- always so gently, as though Magnolia were made of porcelain. To actually go on an official date- what did this make the pair now? 


Girlfriends? Actual, honest-to-Princess Cadence girlfriends?


Magnolia let out the teeniest giggle, excitedly wiggling her hind hooves. She wondered how her parents would react. Mama Applejack had always scoffed that Panny was a 'wily varmint, just like 'er daddy', but Mummy Rarity argued that for all the draconequus' trouble-making, she was perhaps a diamond in the rough, and only needed the right opportunity to shine.


Other ponies just need to give Panny a chance. Isn't that what generosity is all about? Magnolia mused....then perked at a more exciting thought. Plus if we ever get hitched, it'd make me a princess! Even if only by technicality. And then I can dictate a royal decree tellin' Belle Velour to kiss the fattest, most freckled part of my-


A great, dazzling burst of light- like the birth of a neutron star- suddenly appeared before the unicorn. Magnolia had to shield her eyes, cussing- but she was able to make out a set of limbs, then a great, horned head. The shining light flickered and pooled within the entity's eyes, which glowed hot as molten coins. 

The creature resembled Pandora, but not quite....right. More like Pandora had been tossed into a laundry load with too much bleach.


"A warm welcome to you, Magnolia May." The entity spoke, "Thank you for joining me this evening."


".....Panny?"  Magnolia squinted. "You, uh.....ya don't really look like yourself today, shug."


"No, I'd expect not." The creature took a seat next to Magnolia and fixed her with a serene smile- at least, Magnolia thought it was a smile. It's lips pulled back over pristine, gleaming fangs, which gave Magnolia the unfortunate impression that the creature might eat her. "I am Pandora, cleansed and reborn. I am pure. I am Order." The entity idly tapped it's claws together. "You may call me Luma."


"....Cleansed and reborn?" Magnolia crinkled her nose in confusion. "What the hay are you on about, shug? Why.....Why're you talkin' like you're fresh out a cult? How come yer lit up like a Hearth's Warmin' tree set on fire? Is this a spell or a prank or-"

"You needn't concern yourself with magic outside your comprehension, my little unicorn." Luma reached over to pat Magnolia's hoof. "Let's not muddy the evening with pointless details like how and why. We've already focused too much on me- I'm here to gather data on you." The draconequus leaned close, and Magnolia could see her own pale reflection mirrored in Luma's eyes. "Pandora quite enjoys your company, you know. Of the entire population of sapient creatures, you are the only one to elevate her heart rate to medically unsound levels." Luma's lips pulled back, her smile less toothy now, but uneven, as though she were still calibrating how to properly form one. "She wanted this meeting to be perfect. So tell us, our dearest Magnolia- what can we do to make your experience tonight both entertaining and ideal?"


"...Uh." Magnolia frowned. "You could start by not talking like an agent tryin' to sell me a timeshare, for one."

"Fair enough." Luma hummed. A waitress timidly approached the pair, squinting at Luma's radiance. Magnolia, grateful for a distraction, lost no time ordering her favorite milkshake. "And whatever rainbow-colored multi-flavored concoction tickles the fancy of my draconequus pal, if you please." She added, attempting a shaky smirk in Luma's direction.

"Vanilla will be fine, thank you." Luma stated plainly, dismissing the waitress with a wave of her paw. Her misty white eyes had never left Magnolia's face. "Why don't you tell me about your day, my dear?"

"Oh! Um-" Magnolia brightened at that. The topic was familiar enough, she could almost pretend this conversation was normal. And....she supposed it was sweet that Pandora had so badly wanted things to go smoothly that the idiot had resorted to magic. Magnolia glanced at Luma, who was still waiting pleasantly- unblinkingly- for a response. Once one got over the uncanny valley, Luma seemed to be quite the gentlemare.


Magnolia took a deep breath. Navigating this date wouldn't be easy, but for Panny, she would try her damnedest.


".....W-Well, it was a doozy, shug. Today was our big cosmetology final. Judgement day." Magnolia leaned forward, stomping her hoof against the table theatrically. "And bein' as this was a pass-or-fail class, this exam really was the decidin' factor in whether us students were meant for a glamorous lifestyle powdering Princess Celestia's nose, or condemned to a fate worse than Tartarus- a lifetime spent smearing cheap lipstick on frumpy mothers at the flea market."

"Oh my!" Luma gasped indulgently. "So how did you fair at this crossroad of destiny?"

"I passed, of course!" Magnolia crowed. "They all doubted me- that snob Belle Velour, and Suri Polomare's witch of a daughter- but my project blew all those other chumps outta the water! And I did it without some hoity-toity rich background, without any fancy Canterlot connections. All it took was grit, spit, and a lil' willingness to use lard when I ran outta mane conditioner! My model had the sleekest, tastiest-smellin' coiffure in the whole class!"

"Well done, Magnolia. You truly are an exceptional little pony." Luma praised warmly, and Magnolia beamed. "So very noble. So remarkably brave."

Magnolia began to grow sheepish at this flood of accolades, and awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck with her hoof. "....Well, gosh, sugarcube, it was just a beauty school test. I dunno if I'd call it particularly brave."

"Oh, but it is!" Luma pressed. "It's inconceivably brave that you can entertain this passion for the beauty arts at all....." Luma gazed at Magnolia for a long moment. Though her hollow eyes lacked pupils, Magnolia couldn't help but feel Luma could see her with perfect clarity, as though observing a lab specimen under a microscope. It made the farm pony shudder. "....All things considered."

Magnolia bristled. Although Luma was smiling again, May sensed an insult. "...All things considered?" The unicorn's eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The waitress meekly returned with their drinks, and Luma took a casual sip of her milkshake. Her movements were insulting unhurried and smooth, Magnolia thought- so very unlike Pandora's constant, manic energy. "My good friend, I meant no offense. You're a very fine little cosmetologist, Magnolia May. It's simply...." Luma trailed off in thought. "Hmm. I'm at a loss how to broach the subject with sensitivity, I'm afraid. I know you little ponies can be.....insecure about this sort of thing."

"Insecure?" Magnolia felt her cheeks heat, indignant. "There ain't nothin' in the world I'm insecure about, shug, so whatever you got to say to me, you'd best spit it out before-"

"Your cutie mark." Luma said bluntly, finally setting aside that accursed milkshake. "I'm afraid I simply must inquire. If your passion is beauty artistry- makeup, mane styling, and the like- why then, is your cutie mark a flower?"

"Um." Magnolia fumbled. Unconsciously, she quickly curled her tail over her cutie mark. "Uh, that's....ah, w-well, maybe it's hard for a non-pony to understand, but cutie marks aren't necessarily literal. I like doing make-up and styling hair! You think that ain't so just 'cause my mark isn't a compact mirror or a....a hair dryer or somethin'?"

She'd risen up to loom over the table, her cheeks flushed and her glare defensive. Luma tilted her head, regarding her with detached curiosity, the way one might observe a crawling insect.

"I mean...." Magnolia's temper buckled a little. "....I like flowers, too. I guess." She admitted, a trace of bitterness coloring her voice. "But it's just.......Nopony that was ever somepony ever got famous from growin' roses outta cow manure. It's....mundane, you know? My mama Rarity's mark doesn't have anything to do with fashion- her special talent is gem excavation, just like mine is....floristry." Magnolia mumbled, as though the very word carried shame. "But do you see Mother dedicating her life to toiling in some filthy, Celestia-forsaken mine? That kinda work ain't for ponies like us! It's for diamond dogs, or-"

"Earth ponies?" Luma predicted, still smiling her thin smile. Magnolia winced.

"No!....No, no.....well, I dunno. Maybe?" Magnolia waved her hooves wildly, grasping for the right words."I just......I wanna be somebody, shug! I want my name in lights, I wanna stick it those beauty school tramps, I want...!" Her passion abruptly deflated, and she fixed Luma with a plaintive look.

"No matter how close I stuck to Mother, I never quite picked up her gift with gemstones, or fabrics, or charmin' the horseshoes off fancy type ponies." Magnolia toyed listlessly with her mane. ".....I earned my cutie mark plantin' a magnolia tree with Mama Jackie. Not even a lush, pretty tree. Some scrawny, busted sapling she'd rescued off the trash heap at the farmer's market." Magnolia rolled her eyes. "Mama said it'd be my job to take care of the pathetic little thing."

Luma blinked at the little unicorn, but said nothing. Magnolia felt herself cracking under this silent, apathetic scrutiny, and wet her lips. The words began tumbling free, her story springing out before she could stop it.

"Bein' a bratty half-pint, I did the bare minimum, of course. I watered it once a week, I shoveled a load of fertilizer whenever I remembered. But slowly......those frail, brown little branches started turnin' green. And....well, maybe it sounds silly, but it was like I could feel how grateful that tiny tree was to me." The unicorn felt her mouth quirk at the memory.

"You're correct." Luma took another sip of her drink. "That does sound silly."

Magnolia shot the draconequus a glare. "Maybe to you, but I'd never felt anything like it before. Suddenly.....well, I cared about that teeny little tree! I wanted her to be all she could be! I started waterin' her like clockwork, givin' her only the fanciest fertilizer. Mama Jackie showed me how to channel magic into my hooves so I could push it into the tree's roots, encouragin' her to grow faster, stronger. Granny Smith taught me all her kooky-dooky farmin' know-how, and soon enough, I was sitting outside with my lil tree every night, wrappin' her in a baby blanket and singing her lullabies."

"How very.....adorable." Luma offered politely.

"And I'll tell you somethin'. After countless days and nights of sowin' and diggin' and waterin' and hopin'.....that stupid little tree bloomed. Perfect, pristine magnolia blossoms coverin' each branch like fresh snow! And I tell you, darlin', there ain't....no purer feeling in the world. My mamas and me had a picnic in the shade of that magnolia tree- and Mama Jackie plopped her hat on my head and said I'd done the family proud." Magnolia ducked her head to hide her smile- almost ashamed at her sudden mushiness.

"Yet you disregard the happiness growing flowers brings you because you don't feel it to be a grand enough path in life." Luma pondered. "The work that you love- the same work your mother Applejack does daily- you feel is beneath you."

".....Yes." Magnolia groaned, burying her face in her hooves. "Landsakes, that makes me sound pretty horrible, doesn't it?"

"Hmm." Luma mused, drinking in Magnolia's distress. Her claws clicked idly against the table. ".....I believe I'm starting to understand. I see now how comforting the world of beauty and art would be to you, dear little friend. Oh my poor, poor Magnolia May." She reached to clasp Magnolia's hoof in her paws, then fixed her with a look dripping with cloying, artificial sympathy, as though Magnolia was a child and her pet goldfish had died. "You attempt to scrub away ugliness in others because you fear it in yourself."

"Myself?" Magnolia yanked her hoof away, unsure whether to feel baffled, patronized, or furious. She landed on the latter. "Are you callin' me ugly, varmint?"

"Oh, no. No physically." Luma held up her paws, trying to pacify. "You're a perfect vision of loveliness, Magnolia. I quite enjoy your symmetry. But....is it at all possible that you possess some personality blemishes you'd like to, hm, 'paint over', so to speak? The less savory parts of yourself, the pieces you hide from your little beauty school friends?"

Magnolia froze at that, her eyes going wide. Luma seemed to take this as an invitation to lean closer, tracing a claw against the unicorn's freckled cheek. The clinical, vaguely pleasant tone never left her voice- she spoke as impassively as one reporting the weather.

"Your temper, for one. Your stubborn streak. Your proclivity for foul language. Your pig-like appetite. Your cavalcade of country bumpkin blood relatives. Your love of mud and magnolias and piglets born in the springtime- all the little passions you dread polite society will spurn. Your fear, and the black cruelty that festers inside you, ready to wound anypony that gets close enough to know these things. Know the real Magnolia May." Luma traced a line from Magnolia's cheek to her chin, then tapped her long, wicked talon against the unicorn's nose. "Warts and all."

"I don't know what you're talkin' about." Magnolia breathed. Still paralyzed, she tried to summon her anger, and managed a glare. "There ain't any 'ugliness' in me."

"Oh, but there is. And it's very ugly indeed." Luma smiled helpfully, all teeth. "I commend your commitment to Order, my dear. The established social hierarchy told you your special talent was banal, so you abandoned it with hardly a second thought. I'm impressed. To so devotedly forgo your own happiness, to so thoroughly throw out your heritage, your humble mother Applejack, all because it embarrasses you.....My, my." Luma purred. "Your quest for perfection is admirable, dear Magnolia. But nobody is perfect.....except for me, of course. There is no mud mask or cold cream you can ever apply to fully hide your little imperfections, Magnolia May. Yet you try anyway. Valiantly, tirelessly, trying to conform. How very heroic." Luma's praise came in an endless river, but her words lacked warmth. On the contrary, Magnolia felt as though the room's temperature had plunged.


"Are you....makin' fun of me?" Her voice wavered, unsure.


"Not at all, my dear. I lack the capacity." Luma tilted her head, her smile failing to reach her eyes. "Conformity is good. What little pony wouldn't want to fit in? I desired it so badly that I physically purged myself of my own uglier qualities. More than anypony, I understand you, Magnolia." Luma reached to squeeze the unicorn's hoof, and shot her her very best attempt at a warm look. "Perhaps, with a little time, and lots of magic, we can clean up your ugliness too. Would you like that, my little pony?"

Magnolia moved to respond- or perhaps to hurl her milkshake in Luma's face- but a snarl interrupted the duo, cutting through the noise of the cafe like a chainsaw shearing wood.

"Who're you calling ugly?"

Magnolia startled, nearly dropping her glass. A churning storm of black thunderclouds manifested from nothing, crackling with wayward sparks of red hot lightning. An entity emerged from the noise and confusion, a snake-like neck and head rising out of the smoke. Enormous gnarled lion paws smashed down onto the pair's wooden table, nearly upending it, and a face full of jagged yellow teeth snapped into existence. The cafe guests watched with wide eyes, ponies nervously cowering in their seats, unsure whether to flee. A mother carefully, fearfully herded her foals out the back entrance, their hoofsteps lost among the crowd's hushed whispers.

Magnolia herself trembled in her seat, edging away from the monstrous newcomer, pressing against Luma in a desperate bid for protection. "Luma, w-what's goin' on?"

Luma's serene, dignified facade had fallen away, and she now wore something almost like a grimace. She curled her wing around Magnolia, shielding her. "....Ah, Magnolia.....I fear I may have been the tiniest bit hypocritical."

Despite her fear, Magnolia turned to peer up at the monster's sneering face, as familiar as it was foreign. “....Pandora?” She looked confusedly from Luma to the newcomer. “....Is that you?”

The beast opened its mouth and spoke, with a throaty, deep, guttural voice- it reminded Magnolia of tires crunching through gravel, of black sludge clogging a tractor engine. "I am EE-NA."

The last word sounded like something between a gargle and a belch. Magnolia's ears pricked timidly, trying to find her courage. "Is......Is that a no, then?"

Eena, as she called herself, rolled her eyes. "I'm the true Pandora, doll-face. Uninhibited. Raw. Chaotic. Everything Little Miss Perfect here tried to get rid of." Lighting and magic crackled from her horns, and she turned to snap her jaws in Luma's face. "But I ain't so easy to get rid of. If I get ripped out, I only come back stronger." 

"Like a tumor." Luma sighed.

"Oh? You've got quips now?" Eena bristled, magnifying her already dominating presence. Fearfully, Magnolia sank lower in her seat. "You split apart from me, and for what? So you could have the perfect little romantic rendezvous? You were that convinced I'd screw this up- yet here you sit, with the fucking nerve, to call Magnolia May- six time Ponyville Pageant champion, smartest and sweetest pony I know- Celestia-blessed stone cold babe- 'ugly', because she isn't flawless enough for you?"

Of all the ways Magnolia had imagined the situation playing out, she hadn't expected this monstrous version of Pandora to come roaring in, ready to defend her honor like a valiant dragon. Despite herself, her cheeks flushed pink, and she fanned herself a little with her hoof. "W-well, landsakes." She whispered, "...Maybe there's hope for this date after all."

At this, Luma looked the slightest bit put out, and Eena puffed up in victory. She snaked closer, curling gnarled talons around Magnolia's hoof. 

"That's the spirit, babe! You poor thing, forced to put up with a date with Lady Snoregasm here, all cuz poor pathetic Panny's feelin' a bit nervous showin' you her realest self." Eena struck her paw against her chest for emphasis, black lips pulling back in a smug, toothy grin. "Let's ditch diet-flavored Pan over there and head back to your barn, farmer girl. I can show you a real roll in the hay." Eena winked- not at all subtle- and Magnolia flushed bright red, sputtering.

"You are disgustingly vulgar." Luma said softly. Her lip curled microscopically, the faintest hint of revulsion. "It's no wonder Pandora didn't want you here. Without me to keep us in check, you're nothing but a witless child, spilling out whatever vile thought pops into your head."

"Chill out, ice queen." Quite rudely, Eena flicked her tail in her counterpart's face. "I've seen the kinda raunchy novels our sweet lil Maggie May keeps stuffed under her mattress. Can't you see she's into me? We got a nice little Beauty and the Beast thing goin' on." Eena snickered, then leaned over to toss her sinewy arm comfortably across Magnolia's shoulders, purring in the unicorn's red face. "Don't we, doll?"  

Quite normally, Pandora's flirting was horribly clumsy and cheesy, and her attempts at smooth dialogue often crumbled into a high-pitched squeak. Magnolia found it very endearing. But here, in the face of a Pandora that could voice her less-than-innocent desire, the script had been flipped, and Magnolia was now the flustered, squeaking party. "Oh, golly, I-I don't....." The unicorn swallowed, then managed a skittish smile. "M-Maybe?"


"Don't let her infect you." Luma protectively drew Magnolia closer with her wing. "There's a reason Pandora didn't want you to see this side of her, Magnolia, dear. Eena is dangerous."

"At least I'm fun, you insufferable stuck-up bitch." Eena turned and hissed, coiling her muscular neck like a snake about to strike. "I'm so, so sick of you always tellin' me to pipe down. There ain't nothing more natural than this- than me- than Chaos. I say we retract the giant stick from our ass, and finally cut loose." Eena slipped her digits under Magnolia's chin, delighting at how red the little unicorn was becoming. "C'mon, Maggie May. I know you're tired of holdin' back. Bein' prim and poised for high society. You wanna break loose, be a wild animal. I can see that wobbly little flame in your heart, wanting to break free, ignite into a wildfire."


Eena's eyes were bright and wild, blazing so intense they threatened to consume Magnolia whole. The unicorn found she couldn't look away- not from Eena, not from what she was offering. "I...I don't know." Magnolia said shyly, almost a whisper. "....The real me is nopony special."


"You can't know unless you give her a chance." Eena rumbled, the sound sending a tremor through Magnolia's spine. "Just once, don't you wanna let your hair down?" Eena hooked a talon under Magnolia's hair tie, snipping it with ease. The farm pony's mane tumbled free in a river of lavender locks. "See? Better already."


Magnolia blushed. "T-Thank you, but I'd really rather-"


Luma interrupted, glaring at her counterpart. "What Magnolia wants is to be a civil, upstanding member of society. She wants to fit in and be just as ordinary as her little peers."


The unicorn grimaced. "Um, I dunno about ordinary-"


"Exactly!" Eena crowed. "Nuts to ordinary! Be you! Be Magnolia May- ornery, brilliant, extraordinary! The pony that brought me snapdragons when I blew off my tail in chemistry class, the pony that hoof-wrestled a buffalo into submission, the pony that taught me the art of the armpit serenade!" Eena snatched up Magnolia's hooves within her great lion paws, claws scraping against the unicorn's coat- but still Magnolia found herself gazing, spellbound, into those bright, determined eyes, so hopeful and naive and Pandora-like that May felt a sharp tug at her heart. "Magnolia May, your truest self is odd and funny and impossibly, beautifully you. Why not let everyone see?"


"Oh, Panny." Magnolia's face broke into a smile- her first true smile of the evening. "Thank ya kindly for the vote of confidence, but...." She glanced back at Luma, and her smile faltered. "....But Luma ain't exactly wrong. The ponies I look up to, the ponies I aspire to be- they ain't the type to appreciate a good armpit fart ballad." Magnolia chuckled, eyes going soft. "...Only you, shug."


Eena's face soured, and she let go of the unicorn's hooves as if burned. "....Then we'll make them appreciate."


Magnolia's ears flattened, confused. Luma rose up in her seat, her eyes full of warning. "Eena-"


Eena ignored her counterpart entirely. "I'm the unbridled self, and I say it's time to be your unbridled self, Magnolia May Belle."


The hulking draconequus snapped her talons. In a great burst of sparks, a trough of fresh grass clattered down upon the table. The roots were still attached to a dirt clod, and a stray ladybug was crawling through the green shoots. At Magnolia's surprised expression, Eena smirked, all yellowed teeth and black gums.

"I know this is the way a farming gal like you wishes she could eat. Fresh from Celestia's soil! It's how ponies ate for generations, til the aristocracy got some wealth under their belts and started looking down on eating grass. They say it's low class, don't they?" She leaned close, sharing a conspiratorial grin. "But I know you sneak a mouthful or two when nobody's looking, Maggie. So chow down!"


Magnolia flushed red, mortified. Her ears pricked at the sound of new whispers- the cafe spectators were watching her, watching the twin draconequii, waiting to see what Magnolia would do. "I- y-you promised you'd keep that a secret, Panny!" She glanced fearfully to Luma, who was shaking her head.

"You don't have to eat it, Magnolia dear." The pale draconequus sniffed. "It's filthy."

"There's nothin' more natural and healthy in all the world." Eena snarled at her counterpart. "In fact-"

She snapped her talons again. In a flash, a sheet of mud was summoned above their heads. It hung suspended in the air for a moment, dripping fat dollops- before crashing down as a tidal wave of filth. It coated the table, ruining Magnolia's drink, splattering across her once-pristine mane and coat. Before she could react, however, Eena conjured a few hogs into existence, and they tore through the cafe, squealing and sliding in the fresh mud, chasing ponies, sending tables and chairs crashing to the ground.

"Eena- or Pandora- or whoever the hay you are-!" Magnolia shot to her hooves, her cheeks flushed with anger. "Stop it right now! This isn't what I want at all!"

"Oh, but it is." Eena cackled, the sound ringing in Magnolia's ears. "You deny the chaos within yourself, just like Pandora denies it in herself. Don't you little idiots know you can never hide what you really are? Chaos will always be apart of you!"

In a combustion of magic, she summoned a familiar wooden banjo. Magnolia's eyes went wide- that was her instrument, passed down from Gran'ma Pear Butter herself. Eena brought her wicked talons down, ripping out a scorching twang that echoed off every wall in the cafe. She struck note after note, playing a song that had no melody, the notes skidding and crashing into each other in a medley of noise. It was a vile parody of the soft melodies Magnolia had played for Pandora on warm, sunlit afternoons- and it was the final straw for the unicorn. Lighting her horn, Magnolia tried to wrench her banjo out of Eena's abusive grasp, but the draconequus exhaled and blew out the magic in Magnolia's horn, as easily as snuffing out a candle.

"Give it back!"

"Eena." Luma stood to her paws. "You're making a fool out of us."

Eena jerked at that. "You know, I've had just about enough of you." She snarled. "Why don't you do us both a favor. Make like diarrhea- and run!" Gripping the banjo tight in her claws, she brought it down like a police baton. Luma teleported out of the way, and the banjo snapped like a twig against the table, bursting apart into a shower of splintered wood and splayed strings. Magnolia shrieked.

Luma reappeared in a dazzling corona of light. Eena immediately charged, but Luma seized her by the horns and hurled her, bodily, through the cafe wall. There were screams as ponies and pigs scrambled to get out of the way, the once-homely cafe descending into pure anarchy.

Eena groaned from within the rubble of ruined plaster, before surging to her hooves. Leaping from table to table, she surged to clash with her counterpart, and they met head to head, horned skulls colliding with a sound like earth splitting apart. The impact sent tremors roaring through the cafe, rattling dishes off the walls. The final remaining onlookers began to flee, escaping through the wall Eena had crashed through, clambering out broken windows. The two halves of Pandora continued to battle, Eena raking with teeth and talons, Luma winding her long body around her counterpart, trying to control and constrict. Raw magic thundered free in sickening waves, blasting apart marble counter tops, hurling chairs and tables through the air.

"Why must you be so difficult?" Luma hissed, her fury like a frozen sun, "You always ruin everything."

"And I'll bet your crap just smells like daisies and daffodils, don't it!"
 Eena thrashed wildly within her counterpart's coils, hind hooves kicking. "You're supposed to be my other half, but all you ever do is throw me under the hay cart!"

"I wouldn't have to if you weren't such a child!" Luma finally bared her teeth in a snarl, mirroring her twin. "Why can't you get your life together?"

"I'd have an easier time of it if you ever had my back!" Eena roared, her face streaked with tears. "Why do you have to treat me like an embarrassment?!"

"Eena-" With a frustrated snarl, Luma began charging a sphere of light in her jaws, aiming right at her twin's face. The air began to hum with unseen power.

"Luma-!" Eena did the same, her fangs hissing with electricity-

A tiny voice pierced the noise. "Enough! 

Both draconequii looked up, their magic dissipating. Magnolia May stood before them. 

Her mane and coat were ruined, dripping with mud and coated with ash. In her magic, she held the two broken halves of her banjo. Her eyes glittered with tears- she looked to be trying very bravely not to shed them.

"Magnolia-" Both counterparts uttered, reaching out in unison- but the unicorn turned on her hooves and began walking away, flinging her ruined instrument to the wayside. It landed with a dull, discordant note.

"Magnolia, wait!"
 Eena pled, scrambling to her hooves. Desperately, she glanced at her counterpart, who nodded, just once. 

Wordlessly, a truce was called. Luma reached out her paw. Eena took it. In one great, final burst of light, they converged into one being.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Pandora felt exactly like her head had been ripped in half.

She came to in a daze, groaning. She felt the full body ache of over-extending her magic, and her brain throbbed as two different memories clashed and overlapped. What had happened....?

She creaked open her eyes- and was greeted to total wreckage. The little dessert cafe had been blasted apart, as though a hurricane had roared through. The ponies had fled. All that remained was rubble and ruined furniture.

"Oh." 

The only sound she could hear were fading hoofsteps. Rising on wobbly legs, Pandora stumbled after Magnolia, calling her name. But it was though the unicorn had gone deaf. She refused to turn around. In a weak glimmer of light, Pandora teleported before the unicorn, blocking the exit. In her paws, she feebly clutched the broken banjo.


"Magnolia, please, just let me-"


Magnolia's eyes glittered, and she shook her head. "Get out of my way, shug. If all you wanted to do was...was set some stupid prank on me, there are easier ways of makin' me look like a fool."


Pandora's ears flattened. "It's- Magnolia, sweetie, honeypot, I-I promise this wasn't some kind of prank. I just....I just wanted this date to be perfect. I thought you'd enjoy- "


"You thought I'd enjoy this?" Magnolia reared up and stomped, her hooves coming down with enough force to send cracks across the floor. The venom in her voice caught Pandora off guard, and the draconequus nearly stumbled over herself scrambling backward. "Playin' third wheel to your feudin' egos? Watchin' you blab all my secrets to the whole damned world? Gettin' told how ugly I am? Bein' offered grass like a cow?" The unicorn's eyes welled up again, pricking with shameful heat, "I've never felt so stupid and humiliated in all my life!"


""I know, I know, I didn't mean for this to happen! I promise it'll be alright, I promise I can fix it, please-" Desperately, Pan raised the ruined banjo. Sparkling pink magic wrapped around the broken halves-and in a flash, the heirloom was whole once more.


"See? Good as-" But before Pan could play a reassuring note, the banjo snapped in two again, falling apart in her arms. Pandora's eyes widened fearfully, and she snapped her talons again and again, calling on her magic- but all that resulted were faint sparks that sputtered and died. She looked to Magnolia pleadingly. "Just give me a little time, I can fix it." Panic rose in her voice as the unicorn gave her a doubtful, sour look. "I - I can fix everything! I can wipe everypony's memory, no one will even remember the mud, o-or the grass, or - "


"Enough." Magnolia cut Pan off with a raised hoof. "You think you can just....show up and throw your magic around all willy-nilly, but you know what you can't fix, Pandora? My feelings." Magnolia spat. "Can yer magic whip up an apology, varmint? Cause yer mouth sure ain't!"


"An.....apology?" Pandora's panicked movements stilled, and her eyes narrowed. "You want me to apologize?......Why? Magnolia, do you even grasp what I did? Do you realize what an incredible feat of magic that was? I split myself in half." Pandora folded her arms, letting out a huff of incredulous laughter. "Nopony alive could hope to perform that kinda high level magical mitosis. It's a spell I wrote, magic beyond the wildest dreams of even the most powerful pony sorcerer- and I did it for you. Maggie, I wanted to give you my best self." Pan said earnestly, leaning forward to wipe a glob of mud of the unicorn's face- and frowning when Magnolia jerked away. "....I admit it didn't go as planned, but my intentions were good, honest. Besides, I have the power to make it like none of this ever happened. A quick memory charm, and nopony will remember anything. We can have a do-over!"


Magnolia did not return Pandora's too-wide, too-nervous smile, anger still bunched up in her brow. "I'll remember, shug. Or were you plannin' on charming me, too?"


A beat of silence. Two. Three. Magnolia backed away a step, eyes going wide as saucers. "Oh, sweet summer Celestia - you would, wouldn't you?" Pandora's chest tightened as she watched Magnolia's eyes dart here and there, the unicorn's horn lowering defensively for a moment before she brought it up to aim on Pandora's unsure face. "Have you erased my memory before? A-Are there other 'first' dates I don't know about?"


"No!" Pan lifted her paws, trying to pacify. "How could you even think- Magnolia, I'd never wipe your memory without your full and complete consent!"


"But you'd do it to everypony else." The unicorn was quick to point out. She charged forward, backing Pan into a crumbling corner. "Wouldn't you, Pandora?"


"Well.....yeah. If....if it helped you feel better." Pan admitted. Cowering in the face of this tiny unicorn, she began to feel defensive, but she quickly stuffed it down, hoping to salvage the situation somehow. She tried for a reassuring smile. "I would do anything for you, Maggie."


Magnolia's glower failed to soften. "Funny, that. 'Cause I still ain't heard an apology, varmint."


"Luna, love, and light." Pandora's patience finally broke, and she growled. "Maggie, you're overreacting. For Faust's sake, I wouldn't even need to do brain wipes if you didn't care so much about what other ponies think!" She scoffed. "War in Yakyakistan, poverty in Griffonstone- oh, but did you hear the worst news of all? Little Miss Magnolia May got mud on her face! Oh, won't somepony stop the presses!"


Magnolia gaped at her, shocked and hurt. "You....you asked me out tonight, Panny."


Pan froze at that, ears folding back, before she resigned herself to annoyance, folding her arms with a huff. "Yeah, well.....maybe I thought you were pretty, is all. Maybe I thought you were funny and brave. Maybe I would've reconsidered if I'd known you were so.....so fussy and.....and impossible to please."


"Impossible to please....?" Magnolia echoed softly. Moisture began to finally spill from her eyes, so she shut them, and bit down hard on her lip to muffle a sob. She drew in a single, long, shaky breath- and when she opened her eyes, her gaze was hard as flint. Her mouth, strangely enough, pulled into a sugary-sweet smile.

"....You want a lil bit of advice, sugarcube?" Magnolia cooed. "Never let anypony get too close."

"Huh?"


"I didn't see through it before." Magnolia chuckled, low and dark and unsettling. "That goofy, pathetic facade of yours- Landsakes, you had me fooled! I felt sorry for you. I thought you were misunderstood. Secretly sweet. A diamond in the rough, like Mother would say. But now I see you're a selfish, stupid child with more power than you know what to do with! You could spend that magic makin' the world a better place, but instead you blubber about how you can't possibly measure up to perfect princess Momma Sparkle. But you don't even try. You just do whatever you want, barreling in with your overcharged magic, upending pony's lives and well-being with one careless snap of your fingers! And damned be the consequences, right? You just slap whatever quick-fix bandage you want on the situation- like that horrid memory wipe spell- and whatever your incompetent little paws can't fix, your mother can. You can always count on Big Momma Twi to bail you of trouble, can't you?" Magnolia jabbed her hoof to Pan's chest, pointing to the pink, six-pointed star that lay emblazoned there. "I don’t envy Princess Twilight, forced to grin and laugh off the property damage you cause, the embarrassment you bring her good name every other day."

Pan's face went dark as a storm settling over the ocean. "Little unicorn, are you going to lecture me about failing to live up to expectations? Have you forgotten that little secret you shared with me?" Pan opened her mouth and began to speak with a voice that was not her own, mocking, dripping with syrup.


"Maybe I can relate a little to feelin' like you don't measure up- I mean sure, your mama might be a princess, but both of my parents are elements of harmony. Both of em are honest-to-Celestia heroes of Equestria." Pandora crooned in her cruel imitation of Magnolia, "Ponies look at me and expect me to be this amazing, perfect blend of Generosity and Honesty. But the fact of the matter is, well....Mama Jackie is strong and dedicated and tough as grits, but I...ain't. Not like her. And my other mother is Rarity, but I'm nowhere near as creative, or generous, or beautiful-"


Magnolia lowered her head. ".....It's true. Maybe I'm not any of those things. But at least I try. Honesty and generosity can be learned. Creativity and dedication can be mastered. And with a little love and care, anypony can be beautiful." She finished on a tired note, her face shining with soft, determined light. In that moment, she looked like Magnolia again, the sweet, kind-hearted unicorn daughter of Sweet Apple Acres, waiting for Pandora under the shade of the orchard blossoms. Pandora remembered trading hopes and dreams together in the tall grass, and her anger extinguished. Her heart gave a single flutter.


She combed her talons through her long mane nervously, looking childishly hopeful. "....Do you really think that, Magnolia?"

"Course I do, darlin'." Magnolia tossed her long mane glamorously. She then curled her lip in contempt, aiming a look of raw disgust at Pandora. "....Except for you, of course." She spat. "You, Pandora, are ugly inside and out."


Pandora flinched, but Magnolia stomped closer, nearly trembling in silent fury.

"Face it. You’re just a destructive brat and a beast. Ponies are right to fear and hate you, and if there was any scrap of justice in the world you wouldn’t be allowed to live among us civilized ponies. You’d live in a cave somewhere, or better yet, encased in stone."

Pandora curled into herself, any defense she could muster evaporating on her tongue. "I.....I...."

"You know what your fancy magic can't fix? Yourself." Magnolia shoved her hoof hard into Pan's chest, striking where her star had gone dull and lifeless. "So that's my advice to you, shug. Never let anypony in. Never let anybody see the real Pandora- whether half of you or whole. 'C-Cause.... cause they'll turn tail and run." Despite her efforts to contain it, Magnolia began to cry, furious, boiling tears rolling down her cheeks. "Like I should've done from day damned one."

And in a a whirlwind of lavender hair, Magnolia spun and fled. The cafe entrance bell gave a merry jingle as the door shut behind her.

Pan stood stock still, replaying Magnolia's words in her head.


You know what your magic can't fix? Yourself.


Magnolia was wrong.


Pandora seized the broken pieces of the banjo and called upon her dying embers of magic, dredging up energy from every molecule in her body, funneling every spark into the ruined instrument. It glowed dimly, then mended itself, wood and strings rejoining with ease. Pan bit her lip, hardly daring to hope.


It held for all of two seconds, before snapping again.


You know what your magic can't fix?


"You're wrong." Pandora's mouth had gone dry- her voice came out as a croak. "You're wrong, Magnolia." She snapped her talons again, letting free a volley of magic. The ache of exertion began to burn at her limbs, send a knife of pain through her head, but she pressed forward, casting spell after spell.


Pandora could undo the damage. She was practically a demigod. She could do anything.


Burned and broken furniture flew back together. Scattered shards of dishes pieced themselves back together. Almost madly, Pan seized a broken picture frame and scrabbled to assemble the pieces.


She could fix the banjo. She could figure out how to make Magnolia like her again. Everything would be fine. She could undo the property damage, she could fix it all, she could fix everything-


"She's wrong she's wrong she's wrong she's wro-"


In her haste to stick the bits of a shattered teapot together, Pan glanced up, and caught sight of her reflection in the remaining storefront window. She froze.


A rather pitiful draconequus was peering back at her, her eyes and nose streaming like a lost foal. Pan clutched her teapot, drinking herself in.


You know what your magic can't fix?



She looked pathetic.



Yourself.



With a feral snarl, Pan hurled the teapot against the store window. The glass shattered on impact, bursting apart in a shower of glittering shrapnel.


Pandora stood in the wreckage of her creation, breath sawing from her chest, her lungs burning.


The stupid, ruined halves of Magnolia's banjo were still gripped in her arms. She tugged the pieces close, nestling them against her star mark. She bit her lip til it bled, trying to stave off what was coming- but the tears came anyway, and Pandora crumpled.



"I'm sorry."



Clutching what she had destroyed, she clung desperately to her last spot of hope, the one great truth of the universe. Magic could do anything.


You know what your magic can't fix?


Magnolia was wrong.


Yourself.



No, She thought, scrubbing angrily at the last of her tears.



Pandora just hadn't tried hard enough.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




whew, this took a while. Big thank you if you made it throw the whole thing! And a special shout-out to my lovely patrons and beta readers (y'all know who you are!)


After this disaster date, I can see Magnolia closing herself off to the idea of romance for a while because the one time she tried it, she was badly hurt by it....and she maybe develops her snotty mean girl attitude as a defense mechanism, she doesn't want to be so vulnerable with anypony ever again. And Pan just shuts herself away because she thinks the only reason things went bad was because of Eena, who represents the 'worst' of her, showed up and ruined it; and this is why she works so hard to be a good princess. It's possible Pan making her pony form in Coronation Day was the very same spell used here, just modified and perfected.



~~
Special thanks to my supporters on patreon for helping me settle on a color palette for Luma!
i used dis background resource: Manehatten Cafe S6 EP09

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Enjoy my content? Consider supporting me on Patreon! It has rewards, sneak peeks, and early viewing of finished art for patrons! Also, for each funding goal met, I produce a new promised art and story reward!

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Related content
Comments: 316

jmac32here [2024-01-26 05:31:15 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

UndeadNaga [2023-01-12 18:55:30 +0000 UTC]

👍: 2 ⏩: 0

black-sunn89 [2022-07-13 18:57:55 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

blackheartzero [2022-06-07 19:33:58 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

HeyYew [2022-02-03 00:20:04 +0000 UTC]

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

observer169 [2021-09-13 01:54:16 +0000 UTC]

👍: 5 ⏩: 1

shinji-ikari-aono In reply to observer169 [2022-06-22 18:27:13 +0000 UTC]

👍: 2 ⏩: 0

Its-Seal-Time [2021-04-26 04:31:03 +0000 UTC]

👍: 22 ⏩: 0

8NICOPINK8 [2021-03-19 06:50:00 +0000 UTC]

👍: 1 ⏩: 1

Lopoddity In reply to 8NICOPINK8 [2021-03-20 06:02:26 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

8NICOPINK8 In reply to Lopoddity [2021-03-20 22:55:50 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ilvbrownies [2020-11-05 04:14:38 +0000 UTC]

👍: 4 ⏩: 0

Azcalos [2020-07-13 11:48:23 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Bloodyhollow8 [2020-07-12 22:27:56 +0000 UTC]

👍: 2 ⏩: 1

captaincyanwastaken In reply to Bloodyhollow8 [2020-10-29 15:10:55 +0000 UTC]

👍: 3 ⏩: 0

Anubis-hound [2020-07-06 07:55:32 +0000 UTC]

I feel bad for both of them, but especially Magnolia. NO ONE likes being psychoanalized.

👍: 3 ⏩: 0

aceking90 [2020-06-20 06:15:23 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

pakowakoflako [2020-05-27 23:41:07 +0000 UTC]

👍: 3 ⏩: 0

JaytheFox99 [2020-04-26 16:22:19 +0000 UTC]

Oh, please let there be a sequel to this!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Wynnefox [2020-03-25 04:54:26 +0000 UTC]

I feel terrible for Panny here. And Magnolia... Sucha  missopertunity. Too much arrogance, too much insecurity, and too much power while also being too weak. I can't help but to feel a resonace with Pandora here because I have had times where I was cruel when I was trying to be sensitive and kind, and crude when I was trying to be playful and complimentry. It has made me wish to avoid people because I can't seem to fix it inspite of all my arrogance about my own abilities. Its just who I am.

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

FireFERN17 [2020-02-26 19:45:01 +0000 UTC]

GOODNESS! THAT WAS INSANE! Poor Panny and Magnolia... Damn this was intense! Amazing though! I love the two different designs for Luma and Eena. Sort of suspicious this is linked with an old piece of art talking about Pandora's true form Lumina?? great work! <333

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Godzillamaster69 [2020-02-07 01:02:38 +0000 UTC]

Geez, that was a doozy of a date; I liked the dialogue.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ThePurpleUsagi [2020-02-06 03:16:27 +0000 UTC]

Oh god.. I hope things get better for them.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

jendoes [2020-02-01 20:35:56 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Summer-Lime [2020-01-30 15:04:53 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

meganhulan [2020-01-30 03:25:49 +0000 UTC]

BEAUTIFUL

I LOVE PANDORA

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Piece-Of-Moonshine [2020-01-28 13:34:07 +0000 UTC]

I love it! You write so well and the illustration is beautiful!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

GruntBoy [2020-01-16 22:27:42 +0000 UTC]

Absolutely loved it. Would love to see the two Pandora again.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

hawaii42612 [2020-01-14 03:20:33 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Kylecope [2020-01-07 16:40:41 +0000 UTC]

That escalated VERY quickly. And ended very tragically...
I went back and read her coronation and my heart breaks for Pandora...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

CupOAdopts [2020-01-05 22:28:10 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Ketumii [2019-12-22 17:56:05 +0000 UTC]

Dang, Pandora, that was a mess. I feel so bad for Magnolia here. Beautifully written, though!

👍: 2 ⏩: 0

pinocchioo65 [2019-12-21 13:26:39 +0000 UTC]

👍: 2 ⏩: 0

PonyRasmeii [2019-12-13 14:17:00 +0000 UTC]

Dang it. I wasn't planning to cry today, hhhh-

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

nejtix [2019-12-13 10:45:09 +0000 UTC]

👍: 2 ⏩: 0

SUU-ITOGARU [2019-12-13 05:26:26 +0000 UTC]

It was so intense and I felt sorry for it, because it could be resolved if Pandora had said "I'm sorry" when asked or at least fix a little something...
but it was great as always (ouo)

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

CastoroChiaro [2019-12-08 03:04:51 +0000 UTC]

OOF. This was a long read, but the intensity of emotions on display really sucks you in and carries you through to the end. It's really awesome to see your characters just run off each other and let sparks fly. I've always thought the strongest thing about the Pandoraverse was the relationships between the characters and how dynamic they are. This definitely did not disappoint in that regard!

Poor Magnolia, my gosh. I like that Pandora couldn't really figure out why she should apologize, without her seeming totally heartless or needlessly callous. Both girls def got stuff to work out, after all of this.

👍: 2 ⏩: 1

Lopoddity In reply to CastoroChiaro [2019-12-08 04:50:15 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! That means a lot~

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SilverLiqueur [2019-12-05 18:43:24 +0000 UTC]

Pandora's a walking clusterfuck of issues under varying degrees of her control and I don't blame people for sympathizing with her, but I'm a little disturbed by all the "Magnolia said some mean words, now they're both in the wrong!" Pandora didn't just humiliate her, didn't "just" drag up her deepest insecurities -- she destroyed a family heirloom, destroyed a store, terrorized everyone in it, *wanted to mindwipe everyone involved and may or may not have followed through on it*, and to top it all off, blamed Maggie for getting upset and not recognizing her awesome magical prowess. At that point, "You're a fucking monster and if there were any justice in the world you'd be locked up" is a very fair and reasonable conclusion to come to.

(Pandora's fun and fascinating, but I do feel like she gets away with more than anyone else. Most of the really awful things she's done happened when she was a teenager, but sometimes it seems like she inherited Discord's "It's fine if it was funny" clause.")

👍: 3 ⏩: 1

Lopoddity In reply to SilverLiqueur [2019-12-05 20:52:23 +0000 UTC]

Oh yes, Pan is....a lot. All the powers of a demi-god, all the impulse control of a child, all the insecurity of a teenager, injected with a nice dose of Discord's "My intentions were good so who cares what the aftermath is" attitude. Pandora was always going to become a monster. Her story is her learning how to not be one.


Magnolia isn't some mean bitch just because she said some cruel things to a friend. She's a teenage girl that's been betrayed and deeply hurt, and now she's lashing out. This entire event sticks with Magnolia for a long time, leaving her with a fear of being vulnerable, and a tendency to hurt others before they can hurt her.

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

The-Octonut [2019-12-05 17:23:11 +0000 UTC]

...ouch.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

electric177 [2019-12-05 01:31:52 +0000 UTC]

. . . for Faust's sake...

I see you, girly. I sang the whole song through, and then yelled "CREATED BY LAUREN FAUST."

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

FleurDeLynx [2019-12-03 21:20:11 +0000 UTC]

The story has been quite a whirlwind of emotions! I'm enjoying to see the not so perfect sides of all the characters. Especially with Panny! She's trying her best....trying much too hard to be her best. Somebody get this girl an actual milkshake.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

acuteapoot [2019-12-03 20:46:59 +0000 UTC]

woah. pandora's a premium bitch
she just embarassed magnolia to freaking death and doesn't even acknowledge what she's just done
i've read that you don't like people telling you the dislike pandora, but what i'm saying here is a compliment !! (ik, doesn't come off that way that much ^^") i think you've written her amazingly ! she's got that bad part of her buried behind the funny jokes and awkwardness, you wouldn't expect this cutie-patootie to turn out so selfish and to have such a lack of empathy
i'd say pandora is a really realistic and well-developed character
i've always loved your stuff lop, you're a real inspo for me and you're the only reason i still go on this website, i swear lmao

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

thegriffin88 [2019-12-03 19:27:56 +0000 UTC]

:C

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TheCreeperSWE [2019-12-03 12:14:43 +0000 UTC]

I was not prepared to feel...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Kirority [2019-12-03 02:19:55 +0000 UTC]

Your writing skills just keep getting better and better. The amount of thought and love you put into your characters is inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful creatures journeys with us! 

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

D3pressedR4inbow [2019-12-02 16:09:22 +0000 UTC]

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Ryua [2019-12-02 06:49:09 +0000 UTC]

This is so damn tragic to read. Like, it's amazing, it's a great story, and I feel so terribly for both of them.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

UnluckyAmulet [2019-12-02 00:38:16 +0000 UTC]

Hidden by Commenter

👍: 0 ⏩: 1


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