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Description
Well, Golly!

It's like this, you can't pass, Mister...

I'm sorry. And I do have some powers...

Wearing that armor you look handsome but I can tell you aren't a knight with any kingdom nearby so you have to be an Adventurer and the Witch-Mother told me I have to especially to keep out adventurers. And you Adventurers go robbing tombs for gold, but once in a while save a princess or help in the wars or save the world so you are tolerated by kings, not just called "Murder Hobos"?

Well, let me tell you you wouldn't want to go there. It's one of them "Dead Worlds" on the other side of that gate, created as an escape and we haven't been able to close it yet, that's why I have to guard it. But they took anything worth anything with them and no they did not bury their dead with gold and valuable stuff, their world had Murder Hobos also, no offense Mister Adventurer, you are handsome and I'm sure you are nice and all that.

But there's nothing worth robbing there. It's like grody and dark and scary. A dying green sun and dry and cold and near jet black tombs everywhere. And zombies. Not the stinky, slow 'uhhhh...' drool cannibal kinds, these ones are really mean and fast. Like thank the ultimate being the gate keeps them on that side.

But all that risk, nothing worth guarding... I have to obey Witch-Momma's orders, but I wanted to go straight to the Capital out of school. Fly around, sell potions, go to stores that sell fashions, have men give me chocolate and ask me on dates. Or a seaside town and fly around doing deliveries and enjoy the breeze and attention. I bet you go to the capital whenever you rob a tomb or save the world and spend your money...lots of money. And why do I have to...

Golly! Now I remember why I have to guard this...
Like, if you do the stupid and pass through that gate, like the first thing you see beyond a bunch of horrible tombs is this scary carved mountain like some ancient giant and just behind it a bigger black/green marble pyramid. Full of awful traps, those fast and mean zombies, some with a full mind and more powerful than me. But there's no gold there either, or jewels, well some gold leaf but not worth scraping it off even if it wasn't for the danger.

But like in the central room there's one big chamber and it's got this armored hand, like armor and mummy hand inside, grody... But it's holding this glowing green crystal of some kind of 'proto-matter' like some kind of shard of a primal egg or quintessance... Uh, I didn't study that Advanced Higher Magicks, too heavy for me, just potions, flying, a few charms and a curse or two... And like Witch-Mommy said an evil person could use it to try for ultimate power or a Murder Hobo...excuse me, Adventurer might sneak in, fight past the guards and traps and sell it to some evil person seeking ultimate power for a lot of treasure...

So, well I don't want to fight you and I bet you are Chivalrous even if not a real knight so you'd not want to hurt a lady. Promise you won't hit me or use that scary sword on me? You're nice!

Say, I bet you travel, and I see hanging out of your pack a wine of a brand I heard good stories about from the Capital! I'm lonely here. You want to camp here? I mean, don't get any funny ideas, I'm not that easy. But I'd like company. I'm lonely, it'd be nice if you could talk about your travels and give me some of that wine from the Capital...

---------------

Just a bit of RPG parody from a while back. I do love RPG, Dungeons and Dragons type stuff. A lot is really, REALLY open for parody but still I sometimes almost wish I could go to Oerth… So this is fun parody, not de-construction. It'd be a good adventure seed for what happened in the background. Like crazy lich gets part of a key to ultimate power and scared, desperate young witch is needing help to clean up her mess. Oh, and it's close to "Too late" coz she b-lined to get some potions because she had too much wine and wasn't hurt when she woke up but had some 'fun' while really drunk and wanted to stave off complications...

Description
Well, Golly!

It's like this, you can't pass, Mister...

I'm sorry. And I do have some powers...

Wearing that armor you look handsome but I can tell you aren't a knight with any kingdom nearby so you have to be an Adventurer and the Witch-Mother told me I have to especially to keep out adventurers. And you Adventurers go robbing tombs for gold, but once in a while save a princess or help in the wars or save the world so you are tolerated by kings, not just called "Murder Hobos"?

Well, let me tell you you wouldn't want to go there. It's one of them "Dead Worlds" on the other side of that gate, created as an escape and we haven't been able to close it yet, that's why I have to guard it. But they took anything worth anything with them and no they did not bury their dead with gold and valuable stuff, their world had Murder Hobos also, no offense Mister Adventurer, you are handsome and I'm sure you are nice and all that.

But there's nothing worth robbing there. It's like grody and dark and scary. A dying green sun and dry and cold and near jet black tombs everywhere. And zombies. Not the stinky, slow 'uhhhh...' drool cannibal kinds, these ones are really mean and fast. Like thank the ultimate being the gate keeps them on that side.

But all that risk, nothing worth guarding... I have to obey Witch-Momma's orders, but I wanted to go straight to the Capital out of school. Fly around, sell potions, go to stores that sell fashions, have men give me chocolate and ask me on dates. Or a seaside town and fly around doing deliveries and enjoy the breeze and attention. I bet you go to the capital whenever you rob a tomb or save the world and spend your money...lots of money. And why do I have to...

Golly! Now I remember why I have to guard this...
Like, if you do the stupid and pass through that gate, like the first thing you see beyond a bunch of horrible tombs is this scary carved mountain like some ancient giant and just behind it a bigger black/green marble pyramid. Full of awful traps, those fast and mean zombies, some with a full mind and more powerful than me. But there's no gold there either, or jewels, well some gold leaf but not worth scraping it off even if it wasn't for the danger.

But like in the central room there's one big chamber and it's got this armored hand, like armor and mummy hand inside, grody... But it's holding this glowing green crystal of some kind of 'proto-matter' like some kind of shard of a primal egg or quintessance... Uh, I didn't study that Advanced Higher Magicks, too heavy for me, just potions, flying, a few charms and a curse or two... And like Witch-Mommy said an evil person could use it to try for ultimate power or a Murder Hobo...excuse me, Adventurer might sneak in, fight past the guards and traps and sell it to some evil person seeking ultimate power for a lot of treasure...

So, well I don't want to fight you and I bet you are Chivalrous even if not a real knight so you'd not want to hurt a lady. Promise you won't hit me or use that scary sword on me? You're nice!

Say, I bet you travel, and I see hanging out of your pack a wine of a brand I heard good stories about from the Capital! I'm lonely here. You want to camp here? I mean, don't get any funny ideas, I'm not that easy. But I'd like company. I'm lonely, it'd be nice if you could talk about your travels and give me some of that wine from the Capital...

---------------

Just a bit of RPG parody from a while back. I do love RPG, Dungeons and Dragons type stuff. A lot is really, REALLY open for parody but still I sometimes almost wish I could go to Oerth… So this is fun parody, not de-construction. It'd be a good adventure seed for what happened in the background. Like crazy lich gets part of a key to ultimate power and scared, desperate young witch is needing help to clean up her mess. Oh, and it's close to "Too late" coz she b-lined to get some potions because she had too much wine and wasn't hurt when she woke up but had some 'fun' while really drunk and wanted to stave off complications...