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Day 18 of inktober !

Today I want to share the little scraps of wisdom I aquired over my almost 25 years of roaming this planet. I wish I was told and had understood all of this before.

Back when I was a teen, I realised being aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses was very important. It helped me to be self-critical, avoid situations in which my flaws would get me in trouble, and try to overcome some of them. What I failed to realise at the time, was that it was just as much important to be aware of my strenghts and virtues. To construct a picture of me which was as close to reality and un-biased as possible.

Sometimes, the environment in which people grow up doesn't help them to see what is good in them. It was my case. It may have been yours. No matter why you lacked the ability to develop enough self-esteem, you shouldn't be self-depreciating all the time. Although it is increasingly difficult, it is always possible to escape other people's opinions on you. Your mind is the only thing you won't ever be able to escape, so it will help in the long run if you are kind to yourself.
A life of self-despising is not a wholesome life, trust me.

Do not internalise what people say to you. There will always be mean people trying to take you down, it is extremely sad and depressing but ... there's not much you can do about it. Try to shrug it off. It's not easy, I know, but these people, you won't always be around them. It's hard to see when we are still young and life looks like eternity but I can assure you, people come and go. The worst is when all the mean words they told you translates in your mind in a feeling of uselessness. You are not useless. You have strenghts and virtues. Use them to achieve the best. Be kind, be respectfull and you'll already be better than those who treated you like a bag of dirt. Strive to be the best version of yourself and have hope. Tables turn if you let them.

If you are at a low point in life, it's ok. Everyone will experience at least one in their life. It doesn't mean you are weak. No matter how strong or resilient someone is, they have a breaking point. I've witnessed friends I would never have imagined break and cry suddenly burst into tears while sharing their problems with me. I know society doesn't let us show vulnerability and not many people dare talk about what's wrong in their lives. Still, bottling up your emotions and feelings will not help. Same with trying to stab them until they die. It doesn't work this way, trust me, I tried. You need to talk about it, to someone whom you can trust, who will not laught at you or shrug your problems off. It may be a family member, a friend or a therapist. Every option is good, still, professional help is always the best option.

So, how to find your way out of this low point ? I don't have the absolute answer to this question. What I believe is that most low points come (apart from external forces) from a downward spiral of self-depreciation. You need to break this endless fall. By finding some positive things in your life. Think about something positive about yourself. It doesn't need to be a big virtue like being generous or kind, it may be something small like something which made you feel at least a bit proud, how you helped someone today, or just this task you have such a hard time doing but today you've done it. Maybe put it on a piece of paper. Then tomorrow, try to think about something else. If you can't, it's ok. Try again the next day. And so on.
If it is too hard finding even one good thing, then think about what made/makes you happy. The ones you love and who love you back, your pets, activities you like, your wishes for the future and dreams. If you feel like you don't have any wish or dream, think about what you want in life. It doesn't have to be complicated but if you don't know what you need to strive for, you won't accomplish it.

It all sounds so easy when written like this. It's not. It will take time and a lot of work on yourself. Find people who support you and bring you comfort when you need it. Yes such people do exist ! They may not be where you think, they may not be people with whom you share a lot of similarities, but they are here, somewhere. I cannot stress it enough, do not stay alone in this. Of course you are the only one who can change yourself in the end, nevertheless it doesn't mean you have to fight this war all alone. Reach out to friends or family, regularly and when you feel lonely, to keep in touch with people who love you. You don't have to talk about your problems if you don't feel ready to, just small-talking can already alleviate stress, pain and loneliness. You deserve wholesome interactions with people, if someone never gives you kindness back when you've been only kind to them, don't waste too much time with them.

With time, the help of your loved one and working on seeing yourself more positively, you will heal. You may keep scars, you may relapse, but you will heal. I've seen loved ones heal. I have faith in healing myself. I have faith in your ability to heal as well.

To sum up :
- Ignore as much as you can mean things said/done to you. Do not waste your time and energy on people who don't give a crap about you.
- Be kind and understanding towards others, act towards them the way you'd like them to treat you. Give love and you'll probably recieve love in return.
- Be kind to yourself, find good things in your life and search for activities which you like.
- Remember there is no absolute eternal happiness. No one should dictate what makes you happy, but yourself ! Find your own solace in the things and people you like !

I hope this helped you see a light in dark times !

With my kindest regards,
Norara.

Nora, Comète and art © me, please do not steal, copy, repost or retrace, thanks !

Description
Day 18 of inktober !

Today I want to share the little scraps of wisdom I aquired over my almost 25 years of roaming this planet. I wish I was told and had understood all of this before.

Back when I was a teen, I realised being aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses was very important. It helped me to be self-critical, avoid situations in which my flaws would get me in trouble, and try to overcome some of them. What I failed to realise at the time, was that it was just as much important to be aware of my strenghts and virtues. To construct a picture of me which was as close to reality and un-biased as possible.

Sometimes, the environment in which people grow up doesn't help them to see what is good in them. It was my case. It may have been yours. No matter why you lacked the ability to develop enough self-esteem, you shouldn't be self-depreciating all the time. Although it is increasingly difficult, it is always possible to escape other people's opinions on you. Your mind is the only thing you won't ever be able to escape, so it will help in the long run if you are kind to yourself.
A life of self-despising is not a wholesome life, trust me.

Do not internalise what people say to you. There will always be mean people trying to take you down, it is extremely sad and depressing but ... there's not much you can do about it. Try to shrug it off. It's not easy, I know, but these people, you won't always be around them. It's hard to see when we are still young and life looks like eternity but I can assure you, people come and go. The worst is when all the mean words they told you translates in your mind in a feeling of uselessness. You are not useless. You have strenghts and virtues. Use them to achieve the best. Be kind, be respectfull and you'll already be better than those who treated you like a bag of dirt. Strive to be the best version of yourself and have hope. Tables turn if you let them.

If you are at a low point in life, it's ok. Everyone will experience at least one in their life. It doesn't mean you are weak. No matter how strong or resilient someone is, they have a breaking point. I've witnessed friends I would never have imagined break and cry suddenly burst into tears while sharing their problems with me. I know society doesn't let us show vulnerability and not many people dare talk about what's wrong in their lives. Still, bottling up your emotions and feelings will not help. Same with trying to stab them until they die. It doesn't work this way, trust me, I tried. You need to talk about it, to someone whom you can trust, who will not laught at you or shrug your problems off. It may be a family member, a friend or a therapist. Every option is good, still, professional help is always the best option.

So, how to find your way out of this low point ? I don't have the absolute answer to this question. What I believe is that most low points come (apart from external forces) from a downward spiral of self-depreciation. You need to break this endless fall. By finding some positive things in your life. Think about something positive about yourself. It doesn't need to be a big virtue like being generous or kind, it may be something small like something which made you feel at least a bit proud, how you helped someone today, or just this task you have such a hard time doing but today you've done it. Maybe put it on a piece of paper. Then tomorrow, try to think about something else. If you can't, it's ok. Try again the next day. And so on.
If it is too hard finding even one good thing, then think about what made/makes you happy. The ones you love and who love you back, your pets, activities you like, your wishes for the future and dreams. If you feel like you don't have any wish or dream, think about what you want in life. It doesn't have to be complicated but if you don't know what you need to strive for, you won't accomplish it.

It all sounds so easy when written like this. It's not. It will take time and a lot of work on yourself. Find people who support you and bring you comfort when you need it. Yes such people do exist ! They may not be where you think, they may not be people with whom you share a lot of similarities, but they are here, somewhere. I cannot stress it enough, do not stay alone in this. Of course you are the only one who can change yourself in the end, nevertheless it doesn't mean you have to fight this war all alone. Reach out to friends or family, regularly and when you feel lonely, to keep in touch with people who love you. You don't have to talk about your problems if you don't feel ready to, just small-talking can already alleviate stress, pain and loneliness. You deserve wholesome interactions with people, if someone never gives you kindness back when you've been only kind to them, don't waste too much time with them.

With time, the help of your loved one and working on seeing yourself more positively, you will heal. You may keep scars, you may relapse, but you will heal. I've seen loved ones heal. I have faith in healing myself. I have faith in your ability to heal as well.

To sum up :
- Ignore as much as you can mean things said/done to you. Do not waste your time and energy on people who don't give a crap about you.
- Be kind and understanding towards others, act towards them the way you'd like them to treat you. Give love and you'll probably recieve love in return.
- Be kind to yourself, find good things in your life and search for activities which you like.
- Remember there is no absolute eternal happiness. No one should dictate what makes you happy, but yourself ! Find your own solace in the things and people you like !

I hope this helped you see a light in dark times !

With my kindest regards,
Norara.

Nora, Comète and art © me, please do not steal, copy, repost or retrace, thanks !