Comments: 5
Penfury [2019-02-01 00:45:14 +0000 UTC]
My favorite phrase 'a litter of beauties' does a fair job indicating Lord Avermore's opinion of those surrounding him, including his dying wife. As you read further, he suggests he is far older than one could reasonably expect and I think it gives this bit of text a brooding, somber tone. The description of the bloodletting under the wine goblet is vivid without being gory, easy to visualize.
Overall, this chapter does its job of raising questions and enticing the reader to turn the page. I have no critiques to offer.
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SisMisInInk In reply to Penfury [2019-02-01 03:02:10 +0000 UTC]
First, thanks for the fave. Again, I believe.
I have always enjoyed Edmund's behavior in this scene. He is obviously a man who has seen too much, and forgotten how to react like normal people.
I decided to post this WIP here instead of so many others because it will be the next story I try to take to the finish line. It was Rosie Lehgan's favorite, and with her gone, I'd like to dedicate it to her.
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Penfury In reply to SisMisInInk [2019-02-01 03:51:27 +0000 UTC]
That is a lovely idea.
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SisMisInInk In reply to Penfury [2019-02-01 17:34:56 +0000 UTC]
I still tear up when I think I wasn't here when she died. But I hope, too, she's lurking.
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