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TangentExpress — The Mist Market (short writing exercise)
Published: 2017-08-02 06:17:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 3278; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 0
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Description When I entered the marketplace, my lungs seemed to shrink in my chest as I was enveloped by nebulous, chalk-colored smog. I did not falter in my steps, but I walked slowly, peering about me as though I were in a dream.

The sun overhead looked like a molten chunk of white gold, turning over and over in the heated sky. It burned through the ghostly haze in such an overbearing manner that the townsfolk seemed loath to lift their eyes any higher than the brims of their hats.

The hard cobblestone pathways were laced with cracks, and plumes of dust rose out of them furiously whenever a wooden cart clattered and clacked over them. I saw a watermelon roll out the back of one of the carts, and as it collided with the stony ground, fleshy red chunks exploded wetly from the tough green hide and became a feast for the darkling crows. The demon birds pecked it apart, sharp beaks jabbing — glittering eyes opening and closing with mechanical precision — before they returned once more to haunt the thick mists above, out of sight of the crowd. All that remained of the watermelon was a large red stain dampening the dust... it could have been anything.

Even though it was only late afternoon, shadows leaned heavily from tall buildings and awnings I could not immediately see. They looked so strange, like jagged black teeth surrounded by nothing but white decay, for the air itself was rather pale. I wondered briefly if I was still walking through the marketplace streets or through a cloud of crushed bone.

Everyone was dressed in dark silk. The men wore black finery and shoes that reflected the harsh white sunlight, whilst the ladies carried lacy black fans and spidery-patterned parasols with ebony handles. I hadn't any idea why, but they all seemed to walk much more slowly as I passed, and more and more often their glacial black eyes bored into my own while I observed them. I resolved not to stare at the passerby anymore. An eerie sense that these people were attending a funeral began to creep up on me, followed by an absurd speculation that they were in fact attending mine. I suppose that would explain their hostility, as the sight of my ghost strolling the marketplace streets would be quite unwelcome indeed after they had already witnessed my body being lowered six feet into the earth.

Shaking such musings hastily aside, I remembered why I was here in the first place: to buy potatoes and a bottle of milk. But when I looked at the stalls to either side of the street, no one seemed to be operating them. They stood barren, empty.

A steady stream of carts edged down the cobbled road, but no horse pulled them, and no man drove them. All were moving completely of their own accord, and all were loaded with watermelons.

My breath caught in my throat as the cart directly in front of me scraped to a sudden halt. The people within my range of vision all stopped too, their mask-like faces frozen with something decidedly un-lifelike, their wide-open eyes fixed in my direction like black buttons hanging on to their eye sockets by a bare thread.

I watched as a single watermelon rolled out the back of the cart. There was no sound as it hit the stone floor at my feet and broke into a sloppy mess of solids and juices, but the impact resounded within my own skull as though my head had actually been the one to split open for the crows.

The dark birds swooped reliably from the haze above.

As I watched them wheeling closer, beaks and eyes screaming wide, I prayed that their craving was still concentrated on the dead melon.
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Comments: 43

mindpoet61 [2018-03-31 00:15:56 +0000 UTC]

Quite intense, and vividly descriptive.

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TangentExpress In reply to mindpoet61 [2018-03-31 00:33:08 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

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SecretlySyllan [2018-01-27 12:00:02 +0000 UTC]

This is extremly good! Your descriptions of this market are beautiful. I particually liked "The sun overhead looked like a molten chunk of white gold, turning over and over in the heated sky. It burned through the ghostly haze in such an overbearing manner that the townsfolk seemed loath to lift their eyes any higher than the brims of their hats." That is stunning imagery! You've got a great understanding of how to effectively describe something, I know.

Don't stop writing. Ever.

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TangentExpress In reply to SecretlySyllan [2018-01-27 21:03:56 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for your kind words! I don't plan to stop writing. I've wanted to become a published author since I was four years old, so it's a great passion of mine. Sometimes I go long stretches of time without writing anything, but I always come back to it eventually.

Also, greetings to a fellow Slytherin!

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SecretlySyllan In reply to TangentExpress [2018-01-27 21:07:47 +0000 UTC]

That's great to hear, you really do have the skill to become an author, and a successful one at that. I've had the same dream, though writing has always been more of a hobby. I suppose my goals were always more about telling my stories than writing specifically - the medium didn't really matter. ^^' And you're a Slytherin too? That's awesome - hello!!

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TangentExpress In reply to SecretlySyllan [2018-01-28 18:00:14 +0000 UTC]

What medium do you most often use to tell your stories? I'm curious. And yep, I'm a Slytherin, complete with a black swan Patronus and a wand made of pearwood with dragon heartstring core.

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SecretlySyllan In reply to TangentExpress [2018-01-28 18:50:58 +0000 UTC]

Writing mostly. My drawing skills aren't developed enough to tell stories yet.   However I do vocally tell my stories to my family and friends more than I write them, and I think that counts as a medium?

That's an awesome wand. Mine is made from pinewood with a unicorn hair core. When I sketch it I imagine three emeralds in the handle.

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TangentExpress In reply to SecretlySyllan [2018-01-29 00:04:48 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I'd say it counts. It's cool that you can do that with your family/friends; I even envy you a little. Whenever I try to talk about my stories and ideas with my family, I never get much of a response... it's like they don't really care unless I've got some concrete proof of success.  

Ooh, emeralds are an excellent choice for a Slytherin wand! As for myself, I might go for some sapphire, seeing as it's my birthstone and blue is my fave color... though that might be better suited for a Ravenclaw wand.

You seem like a cool person, someone I wouldn't mind getting to know better. If you ever want to chat about your stories, Harry Potter, or whatever really, feel free to drop by!

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TGDemento [2018-01-09 20:44:05 +0000 UTC]

For the record, this is what convinced me to watch you.

Egad, you're this good already? How the hell are you not devoting all of your time to writing, you're amazing! Your verbiage is superb, your descriptive flow is almost haunting, and your use of imagery and metaphor is god damn gorgeous.

As a fellow writer you have my respect, and I will be sorely disappointed if I don't see more like this from you. I totally get being shy about writing, but if this is the quality of your work, then I don't believe you have anything to be worried about.

I eagerly await your further works, be there any, and would love to chat with you about it should you ever feel so inclined.

Additionally, my submission for the title of this piece would be "The Market in the Mist."

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TangentExpress In reply to TGDemento [2018-01-11 03:24:54 +0000 UTC]

Wow, thanks so much for your feedback and for the high praise; I feel very flattered! I can say with a fair amount of certainty that I will be posting more "literature" in the future... I've gotten enough people asking about it now that I really feel I must quit blushing behind my screen and actually do something, ha. Thanks again for your encouragement, and yes, I'd love to chat about any and all things writing! It'd be great to hear some insight from a fellow writer.

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Ndzoodzoo [2017-12-26 17:39:01 +0000 UTC]

Reads like a strange dream.

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TangentExpress In reply to Ndzoodzoo [2017-12-27 06:48:29 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I have many strange dreams... my writing probably reflects that sometimes.

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Ndzoodzoo In reply to TangentExpress [2017-12-27 10:21:36 +0000 UTC]

I have strange dreams too, and my stories very often come out with a strange dreamlike feeling.

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TangentExpress In reply to Ndzoodzoo [2017-12-28 02:07:32 +0000 UTC]

Some of the best stories are indeed inspired by dreams!

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Ndzoodzoo In reply to TangentExpress [2017-12-28 08:50:19 +0000 UTC]

^w^

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MercenaryBlade [2017-12-14 17:34:13 +0000 UTC]

Not bad certainly an eerie and surreal setting that your words captured quite well! I'm not sure what exactly is going on here, I might guess it's purgatory or something.

Nice work once again 

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TangentExpress In reply to MercenaryBlade [2017-12-14 18:33:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what's going on either... I mean, I had an image in my head, and then just sort of ran with it with no particular destination in mind.  I guess, like any painting/drawing, it can be interpreted however you want it... and purgatory certainly works! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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MercenaryBlade In reply to TangentExpress [2017-12-14 18:44:02 +0000 UTC]

Yeah I've done that before.

Of course, always happy to give feedback to another writer.

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Ewah1000 [2017-11-19 02:58:27 +0000 UTC]

Yes, indeed you are a writer!!!! Maybe the title could be as simple as "The Watermelon" or "Melon" ?. X

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TangentExpress In reply to Ewah1000 [2017-11-19 04:05:55 +0000 UTC]

Yay, thank you! Thank you also for your suggestion.

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newboldworld [2017-11-05 10:53:26 +0000 UTC]

It is an enthralling piece! If it were mine I would call it Falling Watermelons!   

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nightsvallow In reply to newboldworld [2017-12-17 17:48:55 +0000 UTC]

A vivid nightmare! Very good!

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TangentExpress In reply to newboldworld [2017-11-05 10:57:19 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it.  

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MerTheBrave [2017-10-14 21:33:18 +0000 UTC]

Wow, that's really good! Absolutely love it!

I write a bit too but I've been neglecting it lately... -_-'

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TangentExpress In reply to MerTheBrave [2017-10-15 00:18:15 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! What kinds of things do you write?

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MerTheBrave In reply to TangentExpress [2018-08-10 04:03:40 +0000 UTC]

Ohmygosh I'm so sorry! I just reread this piece you wrote and I thought... I've commented on this already.

I can't believe I never replied to you   I write fantasy stuff. Mostly medieval but I've been dabbling in some si-fi/steampunk over the past year.

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TangentExpress In reply to MerTheBrave [2018-08-10 21:29:11 +0000 UTC]

Haha, no worries! That's pretty cool, I mainly write fantasy as well, though some of my ideas have strayed into sci-fi territory. Medieval fantasy sounds interesting, are we talking medieval England, or...?

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MerTheBrave In reply to TangentExpress [2018-08-10 21:37:00 +0000 UTC]

Yeah I guess so  Mostly like fictional locations and worlds with a medieval themed setting. I take inspiration from real historical clothing, weapons, and structures.

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TangentExpress In reply to MerTheBrave [2018-08-14 04:27:36 +0000 UTC]

Ah, I see. What about dragons? Are there dragons? XD

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MerTheBrave In reply to TangentExpress [2018-08-20 04:06:23 +0000 UTC]

Yes! Sometimes there are dragons <3 

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TangentExpress In reply to MerTheBrave [2018-09-02 17:48:59 +0000 UTC]

Sweet! Everything's better with dragons.

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MerTheBrave In reply to TangentExpress [2018-09-04 23:28:06 +0000 UTC]

Agreed 

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MerTheBrave In reply to TangentExpress [2017-10-15 18:05:52 +0000 UTC]

Mostly sci-fi and medieval fantasy Also a sprinkle of post-apocalyptic stuff

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TangentExpress In reply to MerTheBrave [2017-10-16 02:04:22 +0000 UTC]

Hey, that's pretty cool!

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MerTheBrave In reply to TangentExpress [2017-10-25 23:16:04 +0000 UTC]

Aw thanks! It's sweet that you actually took the time to have a conversation with me <3

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TangentExpress In reply to MerTheBrave [2017-10-25 23:28:17 +0000 UTC]

Oh, no problem! I like to talk to people about writing. Let me know if you post some of yours!

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MerTheBrave In reply to TangentExpress [2017-10-30 01:48:20 +0000 UTC]

Oh sure!

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Phoenix-of-Pyrrhia [2017-08-23 22:42:01 +0000 UTC]

Ooooooo damn that's creepy and so GOOD

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TangentExpress In reply to Phoenix-of-Pyrrhia [2017-08-24 01:56:33 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

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raphaeldiestler [2017-08-08 06:55:40 +0000 UTC]

"A molten chunk of white gold," that's pretty good. Nice scene descriptions in this piece.

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TangentExpress In reply to raphaeldiestler [2017-08-08 06:56:58 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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brazenglory [2017-08-02 07:30:25 +0000 UTC]

I don't know what I did to encourage you to write something, but please tell me so I can do it some more!  This is an absolutely spellbinding piece.  I love the way you write, and I can honestly say I am more than a little jealous!  The pacing was superb, the content was, I agree, more disconcerting than horrifying, but still got the point across.

Your descriptions, holy mother of everything, they are so fantastic!  I could clearly see what you were describing in my mind's eye, and you did it without being overbearing or wordy.  I love the part about the ravens, how they flew up to what you think is the rooftops, since you can't see through the smog.

I read this three times so far, and I want to read more.  This has the potential to be an epic story.  So very, very well done!

Thank you for the credit, although I feel I do not deserve it, as your work is astounding without my input.

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TangentExpress In reply to brazenglory [2017-08-02 10:31:52 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I worry about my descriptions sometimes, since I have a tendency to lay it on a bit thick with the adjectives (they are my weakness, haha), but if my descriptions managed to convey the imagery without being too wordy, that's great! I'm glad you liked it.

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