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01.
today a little boy asked me why i had d-d-dentists in my teeth and i told him it was to make my teeth nice and straight and i smiled real wide and he laughed. one day i might tell his mother that his laugh was enough to turn that fake smile into a real one, but then again, i probably won't.

i am the type of girl to laugh all the time so no one will know there's anything wrong, but it's okay, really, there isn't anything wrong. there isn't anything wrong. i am also the type of girl to use my tears to get extensions on projects and sympathy from teachers, who will shake their heads in disapproval but will still add a "+" after the "B" if i cry hard enough. i laugh and tell my friends that they are fake tears and that i'm just a good actor but they're real and i feel really bad for lying, but not so bad because i am a good actor.

02.
i get highs from distorted guitar riffs and heavily synthesized voices. i like to stand beside the speakers at a concert and feel the thumpa-thumpa in the hollows of my chest and pretend the angels have come to take me away. i want to know the name of the pretty lady in my cameo necklace and why she is always looking away. and why she looks so sad.

it is the beautiful that always look sad.

one day, my friend told me she hated dirty floors and i told her i hated gravity. she asked me why and i told her because if there wasn't gravity, we wouldn't need floors, only ceilings, and you said you hated floors. then she nodded and we walked to third period together.

03.

when i am craving pretty words, i can sometimes bring myself to read what i wrote before and i sit in front of my computer and read them with misty eyes, wondering why i can't write beautifully like that anymore. i am losing beautiful aspects of me faster than i can create them and i am scared.

fact: people ask me what my deepest fears are and i reply, being alone, the dark, and being alone in the dark.

next time, if they bother to ask again, i will tell them, abandonment.