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Description
Life’s a Beach.

Author: The Magic Rat
Rating: PG
Pairings: Zack/Sephiroth.
Warnings: Drunkeness and public fornication, Vincent having a snit.
Word Count: 4987
Website – Ex Libris: www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/…
Live Journal: delaese.livejournal.com/profil…

Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy Seven characters, places and situations are the property of Square Soft/Square Enix and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters such as Badger the Roadie is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.

Summary: Shinra Inc. makes Sephiroth take a holiday.

Author’s notes: Commission fic for the lovely Miss Celtic2pict, who requested “… an army (as in before Seph goes insane and Zack and Cloud end up in Hojo's clutches) Sephiroth/Zack/Cloud fun fic thanks.” Hope you enjoy it, hon! Also Pointy would like everyone to know she read Sephiroth’s insult to Genesis aloud and didn’t stumble once.

When Cloud had been asked to accompany Zack Fair, Second Class, to Costa del Sol, it felt like the assignment of a lifetime. Sun! Babes! Beach! A chance to mingle with the higher classes! Then when he found out they would be escorting Sephiroth… well he ran up a serious phone bill calling his mother, Tifa, and various kids back home he didn’t like. He was so excited he couldn’t stand himself. Then when he saw the Great Sephiroth in person at the train station… Cloud knew he would be remembering this moment the rest of his life. He was beautiful, graceful, almost godly, and so tall he was like one of the great heroes of old, walking through the soft white steam that settled around the train like a ghost of forgotten journeys. Cloud was short, he had been his whole life. So to stand before a man who stood nearly seven feet in flat-soled boots….

The Great Sephiroth stopped cold and stared down at him. God and peon regarded each other. Cloud was quivering with excitement. However Sephiroth was not quite as excited to meet Cloud.

“Zack? What the hell is that?”

“It’s my assistant. This is Cloud.”

Cloud tried to look as he felt a soldier should. The giant deity of ice and silver lowered his head and sniffed tentatively, then backed up.

“Zack give your new pet a bath before you put it in my tent.”

“Why me?!”

Cloud was absolutely astounded, both at the fact that the general would call him a pet, and that Zack would smart off to a general. As he followed Zack onto the lavish little train that would be transporting them to their destination, he had a feeling there was more to this relationship than met the eye. Cloud looked to Major Fair, Second Class, blue eyes large.

“But I had a bath…” he said in a small voice.

“It’s fine,” said Zack, helping Cloud to carry the baggage. “The First Classes all have their quirks and sensitivities. Don’t let him bully you. Believe me, he’ll try.”

“He’s seven feet tall and a general,” said Cloud. “How can I stop him?”

“It’s a little hard to explain,” said Zack, finding a compartment to store their bags before leading Cloud to the extravagant sitting room. “He’s just teasing. He wants to make sure you have a backbone. Don’t take it personally. He’s hard to read at first but he’s really very gentle.”

“So if I’m your pet, then what are you?” asked Cloud.

“ZACK!”

Zack rolled his eyes and began heading after Sephiroth, briefly glancing back at Cloud. “I’m the guy who moves small offensive organisms.”

“ZACK IT’S SCRUNCHING! IT IS SCRUNCHING IN A MOST THREATENING AND OFFENSIVE MANNER!”

“It” was a fluffy little autumn-coloured caterpillar, munching peacefully on a potted plant.

“It’s just a caterpillar!” said Zack, carefully taking the fuzzy bug from its perch. “See? One day he’ll be a butterfly.”

Sephiroth gazed most suspiciously at the small furry insect. Zack grinned.

“Dare me to eat it?”

“You would seriously eat a bug?”

“Sure! You never heard of caterpillar roll?”

“I’m going away now, Zack.”

Sephiroth walked away. Zack put the bug outside and chased after him. Cloud followed the pair of them and wondered if the stories about the Great Sephiroth were true.

Seven hours into their trip to Costa del Sol, Cloud was wondering how the hell Shinra Inc. kept the world from knowing what a flake their greatest warrior was. Sephiroth stared at the plate of sushi he was served for supper.

“I’m not eating that.”

Zack sighed. “It’s unagi! Your favourite!”

“Then where is the wasabi?”

Zack left to get the wasabi. Cloud just stood at his post and tried to look military as he and the Great Sephiroth waited in the lounge area of the small train that was taking them to the little beach resort. Cloud watched as Sephiroth rose to his feet and walked over to a mirror, preening a little. Cloud wondered how a man with hair to his knees could manage to walk around with it unbraided and not look like he had a bale of hay on his head. The man was beautiful, there was no arguing that. Beautiful, lethal, elegant…

The gigantic black wings shot out, one smacking Cloud and knocking him onto his butt. As Cloud lay on the floor, waiting to regain his vision, he heard Sephiroth speak.

“Sorry. Forgot you were there.”

“Quite all right, general.”

Cloud slowly dragged himself to his feet. As Sephiroth folded his wings and straightened his hair, Cloud sent a text message to Tifa.

“He does too have wings. One just belted me in the face.”

Tifa responded. “Does he like younger women?”

“I don’t think he likes anybody. Maybe Zack.”

“Hello, lovely people, did you miss me?”

Cloud hastily put his phone away as a slender man with red hair entered the room from another car.

“Who let you in?” asked Sephiroth.

“I let myself in, I can do that you know, I’m just as talented as you are.”

“And I told you before, oral sex doesn’t count as sword play.”

“Bitch. Oh my gods it’s adorable, where did you get it? I simply must have one!”

Cloud found himself being hugged like a cat by a man he knew had to be Genesis Rhapsodos. Very few people on the planet fit his description.

“It belongs to Zack, you will have to ask him,” said Sephiroth, preening.

“I’m not an ‘it’, sir,” said Cloud, trying to escape Genesis’ clutches. “I’m an MP.”

“Same thing,” said Genesis blithely. “Sephiroth are you really going to Costa del Sol?”

“They’re making me,” Sephiroth growled. “They feel I’m under too much pressure and I have to rest.”

“So they send a platinum blonde with the whitest skin I have ever seen to a hot beach to lie in the sun,” said Genesis. “Gods what could possibly go wrong? I mean other than you will burn like a piece of paper, and at this time of the year all the kids will be on spring break and the beaches of Costa del Sol will be swarming with drunken college students.”

Cloud quickly sent a text to Tifa as Genesis released him. “SPRING BREAK AT COSTA DEL SOL!!!”

“I hate you!”

Cloud put his phone away just as Zack returned with the wasabi. He grinned at the newcomer.

“Hey Jenny! Good to see you!”

“Men have died for less than that, Fair.”

“What brings you here?”

“Spring break at Costa del Sol, do you think I would miss it? I’m going to get drunk off my perfect ass and bed as many college boys as I can.”

“Just look for me on the tenth level of Hell,” grumbled Sephiroth.

“It will be fun,” said Zack gently. “Really. Trust me.”

“Tell me this was not your idea,” said Sephiroth.

“Mine?” exclaimed Zack. “Hell no, who sends a platinum blonde with white skin to the hottest beach on the planet? I wanted to take you to the mako caves up north but they said Costa del Sol would be more fun for you. I said if they wanted to turn their greatest fighter into a really angry winged lobster that was their business. Where’s Angeal?”

“Home, the big snot,” said Genesis. “He said, and I quote; “Costa del Sol at spring break with you? I’d rather be shot and pissed on.” So he’s back in Kalm attending a bonsai grower’s convention. Oooh the excitement just gives me shivers.”

“Wooki-woo! Wooki-woo! Wooki-woo! Wook…!”

Cloud hastily shut off his phone, blushing purple as Zack, Genesis and Sephiroth stared at him.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

Genesis crossed his arms. “Aren’t you going to answer your chocobo?”

“It’s just an alarm feature,” said Cloud in a small voice.

“Alarm for what?”

“There’s a show I like to watch called Paranormal Journeys. They… travel around… and… look at haunted houses…”

The three stared. Cloud felt himself becoming smaller and smaller under the scrutiny of the second and first classes. He awaited the mocking of a lifetime, then Sephiroth shrugged and looked to Zack.

“Zack your pet wishes to watch a TV show that does not overtly offend me. You may let him.”

Zack turned on the enormous wall-mounted flat screen TV, then gave Sephiroth the wasabi. The four of them settled down to watch the show as the train chugged along to Costa del Sol.

“Hey they’re in Nibelheim!” said Cloud.

“Should we have heard of it?” asked Genesis, settling on the couch with his feet on Zack’s lap.

“I grew up there,” said Cloud.

“So that would be a ‘no’, then,” said Genesis.

“Jenny you are such a bitch,” said Sephiroth.

“Slut,” said Genesis.

“Skank.”

“Ho.”

“Inferior specimen using substandard re-sequencing procedures potentially resulting in catastrophic defragmentation and severe acne.”

Genesis lunged. Two of Shinra’s most prized and famous super-soldiers fell off the couch and wrestled on the floor like teenagers. Cloud noticed that Zack seemed utterly unaffected by the display.

“Do they do this often?” asked Cloud.

“Yeah, pretty often,” said Zack. “That’s the problem with the First Classes – they’re supposed to be perfect but the truth is they’re just smarter about whom they wedgie and where they launch the attack.”

Zack was yanked off the sofa and wedgied, though from his position in the room Cloud could not see who actually performed the deed.

“I’m gonna stop wearing underwear!” complained Zack. “No, wait. I’m gonna stop wearing CLEAN underwear!”

“Hey they’re investigating the old Shinra Mansion!” exclaimed Cloud.

Zack, Genesis and Sephiroth picked themselves off the floor and seated themselves on the couch once more, Sephiroth preening his long white hair.

“Oh goody, maybe Hojo will be there,” he said snidely.

“Isn’t he supposed to be your father?” asked Genesis.

“Can’t be,” said Zack. “Who would fuck him?”

The show’s host, Davida Wilson, appeared, dusty, grinning, and holding a camera. She looked like she was having the time of her life, despite having a disgruntled spider in her hair that was clearly trying to leave. She was with three men, and a man in a Shinra MP uniform. Cloud pointed.

“Oh my gods that’s Kunsel!”

“What is a Kunsel?” asked Genesis.

“He’s a friend of mine,” said Zack. “Wonder how he got the job of escorting a bunch of paranormal investigators around?”

“Tonight on Paranormal Journeys,” said Davida, “we have been given special permission to look into the legend of the Nibelheim Vampire!”

“Good luck with that,” said Cloud to Davida.

“Do you know something about this vampire that she doesn’t?” asked Zack.

“I know he carries a hand-cannon and if you piss on his coffin he gets really mad,” said Cloud.

Cloud suddenly found himself the object of scrutiny by all those in the room.

“Why were you relieving yourself on a vampire’s coffin?” asked Sephiroth.

“Well we were… sorta drunk,” said Cloud. “And…twelve.”

Zack straightened up, grinning. “Drunk AND twelve? And where was your mom in all this?”

“At the neighbour’s house thinking me and my three friends were home in bed. Instead we stole some beer and went vampire hunting. We managed to get all the way down to the basement and into the coffin room. We checked them all but this one had the lid locked, and I came up with this great idea to get the vampire to open up.”

“And did he?” asked Zack.

“Yeah he shot out of there like his ass was on fire and started shooting. He was pretty mad. He chased us all the way to the front door. When we came back a few days later the door to the room was locked.”

“I should have thought locking the coffin would have been enough of a hint,” said Sephiroth.

“Yeah, well, like I said,” said Cloud. “Drunk and twelve.”

The four watched the show; Davida Wilson and her intrepid band of amateur paranormal investigators slowly exploring the mansion. Gradually they made their way to the basement, until finally they reached the door to the coffin room. She reached into her pocket and held up a very old key.

“Took us hours to find this, but we did. It was in a desk drawer in the study.”

She unlocked the door and stepped into the room with the coffins.

“That coffin right there, in the middle!” said Cloud. “That’s the vampire’s coffin.”

They watched as Davida walked into the room, holding aloft a small recording device to catch any paranormal voices.

“I am speaking to the vampire of Nibelheim! Is it true you are the ghost of a murdered Turk named Vincent Valentine?”

Silence.

“Is it true you were killed by the husband of a woman you were obsessed with?”

More silence.

“Vincent is it true you were caught attempting to rape this woman when she was preg…? HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!!!”

The coffin exploded, and something black and red with gigantic wings tore out of the box, screaming like some demonic bird. Moments later Davida and her crew were tearing out of the mansion in a hail of gunfire and what may have been a materia-induced ice storm. Walls were smashed, stairs were broken, and chunks of the ceiling rained down in filthy fragments as the creature chased them out of the house, managing to catch Davida. It threw her into the little town square, bouncing her off the water tower and tearing at her like a mad thing until it got the key to the coffin room door. Then it left, departing as fast as it had manifested, slamming the door behind itself. For a moment Davida lay, her companions around her, trying to see if she was dead. Then she sat up and grinned.

“Did you get that on camera?! TELL ME you got that on camera! THAT WAS AWESOME!”

“Wonder where that poor vampire is gonna hide that coffin-room key this time?” mused Zack.

They listened as a voice announced the train was pulling into Costa del Sol in fifteen minutes.

“Wherever he hides it,” grumbled Sephiroth, “I wish he would hide me with it.”

***---***

The train stopped, the doors opened, and the early evening air of Costa del Sol assaulted them like a worn and humid gym sock. As far as the eye could see were mostly-naked girls and mostly-naked boys, all between 18 to 20 years of age. The majority of them were drunk, squealing, and running around as if their lives depended on it.

“Awesome!” said Cloud.

“I’m in Hell,” said Sephiroth. “Yes, that is the only rational explanation for why I am here. I am dead and in Hell.”

Genesis tore past, wearing sandals, surf shorts, and carrying a surfboard. “LAST ONE IN IS HOJO’S UNDERWEAR!”

Cloud noted the way Zack ran a comforting hand over Sephiroth’s arm, but said nothing. The great general and war hero was clearly not impressed with his assigned holiday. Frankly Cloud could not blame him. It was well known that Sephiroth was not fond of crowds. At least – it was to everyone other than the people who thought Spring Break at Costa del Sol was a great place to send him.

“Come on,” said Zack gently. “We’ll get you settled in your room. Cloud could you see to the bags please?”

Cloud did as he was asked, as Zack gently guided Sephiroth off the train. Cloud did not envy Zack his job – Sephiroth was seven kinds of pissed, and all it would take was one drunk frat boy with a….

SPLOOSH!

…water balloon.

Cloud and Zack froze as General Sephiroth stood, dripping, covered in what appeared to be fruit juice. Apparently it had been a juice balloon, not a water balloon. Sephiroth was frozen to the ground with outrage as a boy approached.

“Gee I’m real sorry, I wasn’t trying to hit you, I was aiming for my sister. So it’s kinda your fault for getting in the way.”

A girl crept by, clearly putting distance between her dork of a brother and the seven foot blonde he had just clobbered with a juice balloon. A second boy began creeping with her.

“Bob? It was great having you for a best friend, buddy, I promise to think of you at graduation.”

“What’s the big deal?” said Bob. “It was just a balloon full of fruit juice! And it’s not like I just clobbered anyone important.”

Zack stepped aside as the masamune came out. Seconds later the wings did too, and the green eyes glowed with mako-fueled wrath. Bob shrieked at a pitch that a five year old girl would have approved of, and fled, screeching apologies as Death tore after him. Zack sighed and picked up one of the suitcases.

“C’mon, Cloud, let’s go check in.”

“Shouldn’t we go after Sephiroth and stop him from killing a frat boy?”

“Nah Seph won’t kill him,” said Zack. “I mean it’s really unlikely. It’s just not the sort of thing that looks good on a war hero’s biography”

“Well at least he’s getting fresh air and exercise,” said Cloud, as in the background Sephiroth held the boy aloft by one ankle.

“I’m sure Headquarters will be pleased,” said Zack.

They checked into their hotel room, dropped off their bags, changed into something suitable for the beach, and went outside into the early evening. They looked around, and noticed something.

There was not a seven foot blonde with hair to his knees in sight.

“Do you suppose someone ate him?” asked Cloud.

“That or he got arrested for pulling a frat boy into small pieces,” said Zack. He called Sephiroth’s phone, and received no answer. Zack sighed heavily. “Well let’s go track him down.”

“Maybe Genesis will know,” said Cloud, following Zack.

“I am not going to look for Genesis,” said Zack. “He’ll already be either under or on top of someone, and possibly wedged between two someones. I do not know what he is spliced with, but it likes to mate. A lot. Especially with really big men. If you are over six feet tall with lots of muscles, he’s all yours.”

“That’s kind of interesting. I wonder what the additional DNA is?”

“You’re too short and too young to be worrying about Genesis’ additional DNA.”

“What about when I’m older?”

“Cloud you’re my buddy and I love you, but seriously, unless you grow another 12 inches between now and age of consent, you’re not getting anything from him. Big bad alpha males turn his crank. Short adorable MPs, not so much.”

“Aw I’m never gonna get to have sex with a First Class.”

“I’ll give you a pity-fuck when you hit eighteen.”

“You’re not First Class.”

“And you’re not eighteen so get your brain out of your panties and back on finding Sephiroth.”

“Zack why are you worried? One; he’s probably having fun, and two; he’s Sephiroth. It’s not like anyone kidnapped him and ran away with him.”

“Because the last time I saw him he was waving a college kid around like a stick and it’s my job to make sure the kid wasn’t killed or hurt.”

Cloud and Zack searched the beach. Cloud would have thought it wasn’t that hard to locate someone who looked like Sephiroth, but he was simply gone. After three hours of searching, Zack and Cloud found themselves standing on a small pier, each holding a drink, morosely looking around.

“I am in so much shit,” moaned Zack. He watched as Genesis danced “Swing”-style with a guy on the beach, sipping a beer as he focussed on the pair.

“It’s not your fault you lost a general,” said Cloud.

“No it’s not my fault but I’m still responsible!” said Zack. “I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on him!”

“Yeah that’s just great, Zack. How are you supposed to keep an eye on a guy who can walk through concrete? Let’s face it, if Sephiroth wants to vanish, he will. And there is nothing we can do about it.”

Zack suddenly noticed a house near the beach that seemed to be filled with the sort of noise and life that the rest of the beach was. He pointed it out to Cloud.

“We haven’t checked there yet.”

“We’ll let’s have a look.”

They made their way to the large house, approaching cautiously. There was some sort of wildly crazy party in full swing, complete with kids running around in togas with bay laurel wreaths on their head. Music was blaring, and there seemed to be a food fight happening in the kitchen. Cloud and Zack just stared.

“There is no way Sephiroth is in there,” said Cloud.

“Well we better hope he is, because if he’s not, we’re out of places to search and in big trouble.”

Zack and Cloud entered the house, having to weave through the swarm of bodies. It was impossible to make themselves heard over the music and screaming and shouting. Then, at the back of the room, seated on a raised throne of silver-bound wood, wearing a silk sheet and sporting an immense wreath of gold-painted bay leaves, was Sephiroth. He had a drink in one hand, some sort of Roman Legion banner in the other, and had three girls and three boys seated around him to do his bidding. He was also quite clearly drunk off his First Class ass. Cloud and Zack exchanged glances.

“How did they get him into a toga?” asked Cloud.

Zack approached the pride of Shinra Inc, who was almost too drunk to sit up. “Oh Sephiroth…”

Sephiroth was clearly enjoying himself. “That is Your Royal Godship. I have been declared Dionysus, got of wine and ritual madness.”

“And you didn’t invite your best friend to the coronation?”

“Well it happened rather suddenly. In fact I’m really not sure how it happened, but… there you go. I’m a god.”

A very drunk young man dressed in something vaguely resembling a centurion’s outfit ran up and went through at least three salutes of different countries and time periods, clearing forgetting if he was Roman, Greek, or something else.

“Your Royal Godship! What shall I do with these knaves not of our religion or fraternity?”

“Get the cute one with all the hair food and drink as he desires. Get the little blonde a tray so he may serve me, I don’t know him well enough to give a shit.”

Moments later, Zack was also in a silk sheet, being fed grapes and wine…served to him by Cloud, who was wearing a ripped pillowcase.

“Hey why do we have a Roman centurion at the door as a bouncer, but we’re worshipping a Greek god?” Zack asked.

Sephiroth drank from his goblet, looking pleased with himself. “Because we’re too drunk to give a fuck.”

“Makes sense,” mumbled Cloud. He used the stainless steel pitcher he was holding to pour more wine into Sephiroth’s cup, just as the centurion appeared.

“Sir! The Mongols are attacking!”

Cloud, Sephiroth and Zack looked in the direction of the door, and saw five of Costa del Sol’s finest, looking very disapproving. Noise ordinances were being violated yea verily, and it was up to them to try and control the situation, even if they would much rather be home eating doughnuts. One of the cops raised his hand in an attempt to gain the attention of the drunken revellers.

“All right, kids, it’s getting late. Time to…”

Sephiroth drunkenly got to his feet, cup in one hand, his free hand reaching into a pouch hung from a rope belt around his waist. He drew out what looked like a green glass ball and held it above his head.

“WHO DARES DISTURB THE REVELRY OF DIONYSUS?! YOU SHALL SUFFER, MORTAL!”

Moments later, Costa del Sol’s entire police force was five frogs in a tank, much to the wild acclaim of the crowd. Then Sephiroth turned to Zack.

“My will is done! And now I shall sacrifice a virgin to myself.”

Zack was pulled close and kissed hard, not that he seemed to mind. Then Cloud was yanked into the crowd to dance with a willowy brunet at least a foot taller than he was.

“Hi! I’m Cloud,” he said to his new friend.

“Oh that’s so awesome!” she exclaimed. “I’m Rain! Hi! Too bad my sister isn’t here – her name is Stormy. We’d have, like, a trinity! What are you studying in college?”

“Well, nothing. I’m only fourteen.”

Moments later, Cloud, his pillowcase, and his clothes were tossed out of the house. Crestfallen and rather angry at himself for telling people his real age, he gathered up his clothes and began walking back to the hotel, pausing only briefly to look over his shoulder at the house. Through the large arched windows, Cloud could see Sephiroth and Zack on the raised platform on which the throne rested, hands roaming over each other, getting just a little too intense for public viewing. He sighed.

“Fine. I didn’t want to go to your dumb ol’ orgy anyway.”

***---***

Cloud honestly thought the President was going to pop a vein in his head. He had never in his life seen a man so angry, and his face was the same colour as his suit as he faced the trio in his office, waving a handful of Costa del Sol newspapers.

“PUBLING INTOXICATION?! PUBLIC NUDITY?! FROGGING AN ENTIRE POLICE FORCE?! AND LET US NOT FORGET YOUR DEFLOWERING OF MAJOR FAIR ON AN ALTER TO DIONYSUS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FRAT HOUSE PARTY! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE SAW YOU TWO?!”

“Probably everyone in the room,” said Sephiroth.

“And let us not forget the tweeting of photos, so… yeah probably quite a few people,” said Zack.

“Major Fair, do you intend to press charges?”

“For what?” said Zack. “I could have said no, but after seven or eight glasses of wine I really didn’t see the point. Besides, I wanted to get him on me before he passed out or changed his mind.”

“I fail to see what you are so hostile about,” said Sephiroth. “You told me to go to Costa del Sol and have fun. Despite the fact that I was certain it couldn’t be done, I did.”

The president ground his teeth together audibly. “Do you think the image I want of my company is my First Class general screwing his underling on an altar in the middle of a party?”

Before Sephiroth could answer, the door to the president’s office opened, and in staggered a manky-looking redhead wearing surf shorts that had clearly been chewed on by some sort of animal. Genesis dropped what was left of his surfboard on the floor and saluted the president.

“Don’t ask me how I got here, I have no idea. The last thing I remember was somebody screaming ‘shark’ and then something had my leg and was heading to the ocean floor. Possibly a rabid sea turtle. Pardon me Mr. President, sir.”

Genesis picked up a waste paper basket and puked. The president sat down and ran his hands over his face.

“How can this possibly get any worse?”

Cloud put up his hand. “I’m only fourteen and I may be pregnant, sir.”

The president slowly looked up, and it was as if every molecule of warmth was sucked out of the room. Slowly the older man rose to his feet and pointed to the door of his office.

“Get out,” he snarled, and the four did, Genesis leaving his surfboard but bringing the trash basket. Once in the hallway, the four giggled like the bad little boys they were, and Sephiroth kissed Zack warmly.

“Come on. Let’s get back to the barracks and pretend we have some dignity. We have to be back on duty in the morning. It would be nice to be in shape for it.”

Zack returned the kiss, eyes shining brightly as he looked at his new lover. “Yeah, okay.”

Cloud stood in his MP uniform, watching the three walk away, feeling a sadness in his heart. He had really enjoyed hanging out with them. Maybe one day…

Sephiroth paused and looked over his shoulder at the boy. “Coming, Strife?”

Cloud broke into a huge grin. “Yes sir, General Sephiroth.”

Meanwhile, as Cloud followed his new friends, the vampire of Nibelheim was on the second floor of the Shinra Mansion, locking the key to the coffin room into an old safe.

“There,” he said softly. “No one will ever find it there.”

At least not for seven more years.

:D (Big Grin) — Description
Life’s a Beach.

Author: The Magic Rat
Rating: PG
Pairings: Zack/Sephiroth.
Warnings: Drunkeness and public fornication, Vincent having a snit.
Word Count: 4987
Website – Ex Libris: www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/…
Live Journal: delaese.livejournal.com/profil…

Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy Seven characters, places and situations are the property of Square Soft/Square Enix and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters such as Badger the Roadie is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author's prior written consent.

Summary: Shinra Inc. makes Sephiroth take a holiday.

Author’s notes: Commission fic for the lovely Miss Celtic2pict, who requested “… an army (as in before Seph goes insane and Zack and Cloud end up in Hojo's clutches) Sephiroth/Zack/Cloud fun fic thanks.” Hope you enjoy it, hon! Also Pointy would like everyone to know she read Sephiroth’s insult to Genesis aloud and didn’t stumble once.

When Cloud had been asked to accompany Zack Fair, Second Class, to Costa del Sol, it felt like the assignment of a lifetime. Sun! Babes! Beach! A chance to mingle with the higher classes! Then when he found out they would be escorting Sephiroth… well he ran up a serious phone bill calling his mother, Tifa, and various kids back home he didn’t like. He was so excited he couldn’t stand himself. Then when he saw the Great Sephiroth in person at the train station… Cloud knew he would be remembering this moment the rest of his life. He was beautiful, graceful, almost godly, and so tall he was like one of the great heroes of old, walking through the soft white steam that settled around the train like a ghost of forgotten journeys. Cloud was short, he had been his whole life. So to stand before a man who stood nearly seven feet in flat-soled boots….

The Great Sephiroth stopped cold and stared down at him. God and peon regarded each other. Cloud was quivering with excitement. However Sephiroth was not quite as excited to meet Cloud.

“Zack? What the hell is that?”

“It’s my assistant. This is Cloud.”

Cloud tried to look as he felt a soldier should. The giant deity of ice and silver lowered his head and sniffed tentatively, then backed up.

“Zack give your new pet a bath before you put it in my tent.”

“Why me?!”

Cloud was absolutely astounded, both at the fact that the general would call him a pet, and that Zack would smart off to a general. As he followed Zack onto the lavish little train that would be transporting them to their destination, he had a feeling there was more to this relationship than met the eye. Cloud looked to Major Fair, Second Class, blue eyes large.

“But I had a bath…” he said in a small voice.

“It’s fine,” said Zack, helping Cloud to carry the baggage. “The First Classes all have their quirks and sensitivities. Don’t let him bully you. Believe me, he’ll try.”

“He’s seven feet tall and a general,” said Cloud. “How can I stop him?”

“It’s a little hard to explain,” said Zack, finding a compartment to store their bags before leading Cloud to the extravagant sitting room. “He’s just teasing. He wants to make sure you have a backbone. Don’t take it personally. He’s hard to read at first but he’s really very gentle.”

“So if I’m your pet, then what are you?” asked Cloud.

“ZACK!”

Zack rolled his eyes and began heading after Sephiroth, briefly glancing back at Cloud. “I’m the guy who moves small offensive organisms.”

“ZACK IT’S SCRUNCHING! IT IS SCRUNCHING IN A MOST THREATENING AND OFFENSIVE MANNER!”

“It” was a fluffy little autumn-coloured caterpillar, munching peacefully on a potted plant.

“It’s just a caterpillar!” said Zack, carefully taking the fuzzy bug from its perch. “See? One day he’ll be a butterfly.”

Sephiroth gazed most suspiciously at the small furry insect. Zack grinned.

“Dare me to eat it?”

“You would seriously eat a bug?”

“Sure! You never heard of caterpillar roll?”

“I’m going away now, Zack.”

Sephiroth walked away. Zack put the bug outside and chased after him. Cloud followed the pair of them and wondered if the stories about the Great Sephiroth were true.

Seven hours into their trip to Costa del Sol, Cloud was wondering how the hell Shinra Inc. kept the world from knowing what a flake their greatest warrior was. Sephiroth stared at the plate of sushi he was served for supper.

“I’m not eating that.”

Zack sighed. “It’s unagi! Your favourite!”

“Then where is the wasabi?”

Zack left to get the wasabi. Cloud just stood at his post and tried to look military as he and the Great Sephiroth waited in the lounge area of the small train that was taking them to the little beach resort. Cloud watched as Sephiroth rose to his feet and walked over to a mirror, preening a little. Cloud wondered how a man with hair to his knees could manage to walk around with it unbraided and not look like he had a bale of hay on his head. The man was beautiful, there was no arguing that. Beautiful, lethal, elegant…

The gigantic black wings shot out, one smacking Cloud and knocking him onto his butt. As Cloud lay on the floor, waiting to regain his vision, he heard Sephiroth speak.

“Sorry. Forgot you were there.”

“Quite all right, general.”

Cloud slowly dragged himself to his feet. As Sephiroth folded his wings and straightened his hair, Cloud sent a text message to Tifa.

“He does too have wings. One just belted me in the face.”

Tifa responded. “Does he like younger women?”

“I don’t think he likes anybody. Maybe Zack.”

“Hello, lovely people, did you miss me?”

Cloud hastily put his phone away as a slender man with red hair entered the room from another car.

“Who let you in?” asked Sephiroth.

“I let myself in, I can do that you know, I’m just as talented as you are.”

“And I told you before, oral sex doesn’t count as sword play.”

“Bitch. Oh my gods it’s adorable, where did you get it? I simply must have one!”

Cloud found himself being hugged like a cat by a man he knew had to be Genesis Rhapsodos. Very few people on the planet fit his description.

“It belongs to Zack, you will have to ask him,” said Sephiroth, preening.

“I’m not an ‘it’, sir,” said Cloud, trying to escape Genesis’ clutches. “I’m an MP.”

“Same thing,” said Genesis blithely. “Sephiroth are you really going to Costa del Sol?”

“They’re making me,” Sephiroth growled. “They feel I’m under too much pressure and I have to rest.”

“So they send a platinum blonde with the whitest skin I have ever seen to a hot beach to lie in the sun,” said Genesis. “Gods what could possibly go wrong? I mean other than you will burn like a piece of paper, and at this time of the year all the kids will be on spring break and the beaches of Costa del Sol will be swarming with drunken college students.”

Cloud quickly sent a text to Tifa as Genesis released him. “SPRING BREAK AT COSTA DEL SOL!!!”

“I hate you!”

Cloud put his phone away just as Zack returned with the wasabi. He grinned at the newcomer.

“Hey Jenny! Good to see you!”

“Men have died for less than that, Fair.”

“What brings you here?”

“Spring break at Costa del Sol, do you think I would miss it? I’m going to get drunk off my perfect ass and bed as many college boys as I can.”

“Just look for me on the tenth level of Hell,” grumbled Sephiroth.

“It will be fun,” said Zack gently. “Really. Trust me.”

“Tell me this was not your idea,” said Sephiroth.

“Mine?” exclaimed Zack. “Hell no, who sends a platinum blonde with white skin to the hottest beach on the planet? I wanted to take you to the mako caves up north but they said Costa del Sol would be more fun for you. I said if they wanted to turn their greatest fighter into a really angry winged lobster that was their business. Where’s Angeal?”

“Home, the big snot,” said Genesis. “He said, and I quote; “Costa del Sol at spring break with you? I’d rather be shot and pissed on.” So he’s back in Kalm attending a bonsai grower’s convention. Oooh the excitement just gives me shivers.”

“Wooki-woo! Wooki-woo! Wooki-woo! Wook…!”

Cloud hastily shut off his phone, blushing purple as Zack, Genesis and Sephiroth stared at him.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

Genesis crossed his arms. “Aren’t you going to answer your chocobo?”

“It’s just an alarm feature,” said Cloud in a small voice.

“Alarm for what?”

“There’s a show I like to watch called Paranormal Journeys. They… travel around… and… look at haunted houses…”

The three stared. Cloud felt himself becoming smaller and smaller under the scrutiny of the second and first classes. He awaited the mocking of a lifetime, then Sephiroth shrugged and looked to Zack.

“Zack your pet wishes to watch a TV show that does not overtly offend me. You may let him.”

Zack turned on the enormous wall-mounted flat screen TV, then gave Sephiroth the wasabi. The four of them settled down to watch the show as the train chugged along to Costa del Sol.

“Hey they’re in Nibelheim!” said Cloud.

“Should we have heard of it?” asked Genesis, settling on the couch with his feet on Zack’s lap.

“I grew up there,” said Cloud.

“So that would be a ‘no’, then,” said Genesis.

“Jenny you are such a bitch,” said Sephiroth.

“Slut,” said Genesis.

“Skank.”

“Ho.”

“Inferior specimen using substandard re-sequencing procedures potentially resulting in catastrophic defragmentation and severe acne.”

Genesis lunged. Two of Shinra’s most prized and famous super-soldiers fell off the couch and wrestled on the floor like teenagers. Cloud noticed that Zack seemed utterly unaffected by the display.

“Do they do this often?” asked Cloud.

“Yeah, pretty often,” said Zack. “That’s the problem with the First Classes – they’re supposed to be perfect but the truth is they’re just smarter about whom they wedgie and where they launch the attack.”

Zack was yanked off the sofa and wedgied, though from his position in the room Cloud could not see who actually performed the deed.

“I’m gonna stop wearing underwear!” complained Zack. “No, wait. I’m gonna stop wearing CLEAN underwear!”

“Hey they’re investigating the old Shinra Mansion!” exclaimed Cloud.

Zack, Genesis and Sephiroth picked themselves off the floor and seated themselves on the couch once more, Sephiroth preening his long white hair.

“Oh goody, maybe Hojo will be there,” he said snidely.

“Isn’t he supposed to be your father?” asked Genesis.

“Can’t be,” said Zack. “Who would fuck him?”

The show’s host, Davida Wilson, appeared, dusty, grinning, and holding a camera. She looked like she was having the time of her life, despite having a disgruntled spider in her hair that was clearly trying to leave. She was with three men, and a man in a Shinra MP uniform. Cloud pointed.

“Oh my gods that’s Kunsel!”

“What is a Kunsel?” asked Genesis.

“He’s a friend of mine,” said Zack. “Wonder how he got the job of escorting a bunch of paranormal investigators around?”

“Tonight on Paranormal Journeys,” said Davida, “we have been given special permission to look into the legend of the Nibelheim Vampire!”

“Good luck with that,” said Cloud to Davida.

“Do you know something about this vampire that she doesn’t?” asked Zack.

“I know he carries a hand-cannon and if you piss on his coffin he gets really mad,” said Cloud.

Cloud suddenly found himself the object of scrutiny by all those in the room.

“Why were you relieving yourself on a vampire’s coffin?” asked Sephiroth.

“Well we were… sorta drunk,” said Cloud. “And…twelve.”

Zack straightened up, grinning. “Drunk AND twelve? And where was your mom in all this?”

“At the neighbour’s house thinking me and my three friends were home in bed. Instead we stole some beer and went vampire hunting. We managed to get all the way down to the basement and into the coffin room. We checked them all but this one had the lid locked, and I came up with this great idea to get the vampire to open up.”

“And did he?” asked Zack.

“Yeah he shot out of there like his ass was on fire and started shooting. He was pretty mad. He chased us all the way to the front door. When we came back a few days later the door to the room was locked.”

“I should have thought locking the coffin would have been enough of a hint,” said Sephiroth.

“Yeah, well, like I said,” said Cloud. “Drunk and twelve.”

The four watched the show; Davida Wilson and her intrepid band of amateur paranormal investigators slowly exploring the mansion. Gradually they made their way to the basement, until finally they reached the door to the coffin room. She reached into her pocket and held up a very old key.

“Took us hours to find this, but we did. It was in a desk drawer in the study.”

She unlocked the door and stepped into the room with the coffins.

“That coffin right there, in the middle!” said Cloud. “That’s the vampire’s coffin.”

They watched as Davida walked into the room, holding aloft a small recording device to catch any paranormal voices.

“I am speaking to the vampire of Nibelheim! Is it true you are the ghost of a murdered Turk named Vincent Valentine?”

Silence.

“Is it true you were killed by the husband of a woman you were obsessed with?”

More silence.

“Vincent is it true you were caught attempting to rape this woman when she was preg…? HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!!!”

The coffin exploded, and something black and red with gigantic wings tore out of the box, screaming like some demonic bird. Moments later Davida and her crew were tearing out of the mansion in a hail of gunfire and what may have been a materia-induced ice storm. Walls were smashed, stairs were broken, and chunks of the ceiling rained down in filthy fragments as the creature chased them out of the house, managing to catch Davida. It threw her into the little town square, bouncing her off the water tower and tearing at her like a mad thing until it got the key to the coffin room door. Then it left, departing as fast as it had manifested, slamming the door behind itself. For a moment Davida lay, her companions around her, trying to see if she was dead. Then she sat up and grinned.

“Did you get that on camera?! TELL ME you got that on camera! THAT WAS AWESOME!”

“Wonder where that poor vampire is gonna hide that coffin-room key this time?” mused Zack.

They listened as a voice announced the train was pulling into Costa del Sol in fifteen minutes.

“Wherever he hides it,” grumbled Sephiroth, “I wish he would hide me with it.”

***---***

The train stopped, the doors opened, and the early evening air of Costa del Sol assaulted them like a worn and humid gym sock. As far as the eye could see were mostly-naked girls and mostly-naked boys, all between 18 to 20 years of age. The majority of them were drunk, squealing, and running around as if their lives depended on it.

“Awesome!” said Cloud.

“I’m in Hell,” said Sephiroth. “Yes, that is the only rational explanation for why I am here. I am dead and in Hell.”

Genesis tore past, wearing sandals, surf shorts, and carrying a surfboard. “LAST ONE IN IS HOJO’S UNDERWEAR!”

Cloud noted the way Zack ran a comforting hand over Sephiroth’s arm, but said nothing. The great general and war hero was clearly not impressed with his assigned holiday. Frankly Cloud could not blame him. It was well known that Sephiroth was not fond of crowds. At least – it was to everyone other than the people who thought Spring Break at Costa del Sol was a great place to send him.

“Come on,” said Zack gently. “We’ll get you settled in your room. Cloud could you see to the bags please?”

Cloud did as he was asked, as Zack gently guided Sephiroth off the train. Cloud did not envy Zack his job – Sephiroth was seven kinds of pissed, and all it would take was one drunk frat boy with a….

SPLOOSH!

…water balloon.

Cloud and Zack froze as General Sephiroth stood, dripping, covered in what appeared to be fruit juice. Apparently it had been a juice balloon, not a water balloon. Sephiroth was frozen to the ground with outrage as a boy approached.

“Gee I’m real sorry, I wasn’t trying to hit you, I was aiming for my sister. So it’s kinda your fault for getting in the way.”

A girl crept by, clearly putting distance between her dork of a brother and the seven foot blonde he had just clobbered with a juice balloon. A second boy began creeping with her.

“Bob? It was great having you for a best friend, buddy, I promise to think of you at graduation.”

“What’s the big deal?” said Bob. “It was just a balloon full of fruit juice! And it’s not like I just clobbered anyone important.”

Zack stepped aside as the masamune came out. Seconds later the wings did too, and the green eyes glowed with mako-fueled wrath. Bob shrieked at a pitch that a five year old girl would have approved of, and fled, screeching apologies as Death tore after him. Zack sighed and picked up one of the suitcases.

“C’mon, Cloud, let’s go check in.”

“Shouldn’t we go after Sephiroth and stop him from killing a frat boy?”

“Nah Seph won’t kill him,” said Zack. “I mean it’s really unlikely. It’s just not the sort of thing that looks good on a war hero’s biography”

“Well at least he’s getting fresh air and exercise,” said Cloud, as in the background Sephiroth held the boy aloft by one ankle.

“I’m sure Headquarters will be pleased,” said Zack.

They checked into their hotel room, dropped off their bags, changed into something suitable for the beach, and went outside into the early evening. They looked around, and noticed something.

There was not a seven foot blonde with hair to his knees in sight.

“Do you suppose someone ate him?” asked Cloud.

“That or he got arrested for pulling a frat boy into small pieces,” said Zack. He called Sephiroth’s phone, and received no answer. Zack sighed heavily. “Well let’s go track him down.”

“Maybe Genesis will know,” said Cloud, following Zack.

“I am not going to look for Genesis,” said Zack. “He’ll already be either under or on top of someone, and possibly wedged between two someones. I do not know what he is spliced with, but it likes to mate. A lot. Especially with really big men. If you are over six feet tall with lots of muscles, he’s all yours.”

“That’s kind of interesting. I wonder what the additional DNA is?”

“You’re too short and too young to be worrying about Genesis’ additional DNA.”

“What about when I’m older?”

“Cloud you’re my buddy and I love you, but seriously, unless you grow another 12 inches between now and age of consent, you’re not getting anything from him. Big bad alpha males turn his crank. Short adorable MPs, not so much.”

“Aw I’m never gonna get to have sex with a First Class.”

“I’ll give you a pity-fuck when you hit eighteen.”

“You’re not First Class.”

“And you’re not eighteen so get your brain out of your panties and back on finding Sephiroth.”

“Zack why are you worried? One; he’s probably having fun, and two; he’s Sephiroth. It’s not like anyone kidnapped him and ran away with him.”

“Because the last time I saw him he was waving a college kid around like a stick and it’s my job to make sure the kid wasn’t killed or hurt.”

Cloud and Zack searched the beach. Cloud would have thought it wasn’t that hard to locate someone who looked like Sephiroth, but he was simply gone. After three hours of searching, Zack and Cloud found themselves standing on a small pier, each holding a drink, morosely looking around.

“I am in so much shit,” moaned Zack. He watched as Genesis danced “Swing”-style with a guy on the beach, sipping a beer as he focussed on the pair.

“It’s not your fault you lost a general,” said Cloud.

“No it’s not my fault but I’m still responsible!” said Zack. “I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on him!”

“Yeah that’s just great, Zack. How are you supposed to keep an eye on a guy who can walk through concrete? Let’s face it, if Sephiroth wants to vanish, he will. And there is nothing we can do about it.”

Zack suddenly noticed a house near the beach that seemed to be filled with the sort of noise and life that the rest of the beach was. He pointed it out to Cloud.

“We haven’t checked there yet.”

“We’ll let’s have a look.”

They made their way to the large house, approaching cautiously. There was some sort of wildly crazy party in full swing, complete with kids running around in togas with bay laurel wreaths on their head. Music was blaring, and there seemed to be a food fight happening in the kitchen. Cloud and Zack just stared.

“There is no way Sephiroth is in there,” said Cloud.

“Well we better hope he is, because if he’s not, we’re out of places to search and in big trouble.”

Zack and Cloud entered the house, having to weave through the swarm of bodies. It was impossible to make themselves heard over the music and screaming and shouting. Then, at the back of the room, seated on a raised throne of silver-bound wood, wearing a silk sheet and sporting an immense wreath of gold-painted bay leaves, was Sephiroth. He had a drink in one hand, some sort of Roman Legion banner in the other, and had three girls and three boys seated around him to do his bidding. He was also quite clearly drunk off his First Class ass. Cloud and Zack exchanged glances.

“How did they get him into a toga?” asked Cloud.

Zack approached the pride of Shinra Inc, who was almost too drunk to sit up. “Oh Sephiroth…”

Sephiroth was clearly enjoying himself. “That is Your Royal Godship. I have been declared Dionysus, got of wine and ritual madness.”

“And you didn’t invite your best friend to the coronation?”

“Well it happened rather suddenly. In fact I’m really not sure how it happened, but… there you go. I’m a god.”

A very drunk young man dressed in something vaguely resembling a centurion’s outfit ran up and went through at least three salutes of different countries and time periods, clearing forgetting if he was Roman, Greek, or something else.

“Your Royal Godship! What shall I do with these knaves not of our religion or fraternity?”

“Get the cute one with all the hair food and drink as he desires. Get the little blonde a tray so he may serve me, I don’t know him well enough to give a shit.”

Moments later, Zack was also in a silk sheet, being fed grapes and wine…served to him by Cloud, who was wearing a ripped pillowcase.

“Hey why do we have a Roman centurion at the door as a bouncer, but we’re worshipping a Greek god?” Zack asked.

Sephiroth drank from his goblet, looking pleased with himself. “Because we’re too drunk to give a fuck.”

“Makes sense,” mumbled Cloud. He used the stainless steel pitcher he was holding to pour more wine into Sephiroth’s cup, just as the centurion appeared.

“Sir! The Mongols are attacking!”

Cloud, Sephiroth and Zack looked in the direction of the door, and saw five of Costa del Sol’s finest, looking very disapproving. Noise ordinances were being violated yea verily, and it was up to them to try and control the situation, even if they would much rather be home eating doughnuts. One of the cops raised his hand in an attempt to gain the attention of the drunken revellers.

“All right, kids, it’s getting late. Time to…”

Sephiroth drunkenly got to his feet, cup in one hand, his free hand reaching into a pouch hung from a rope belt around his waist. He drew out what looked like a green glass ball and held it above his head.

“WHO DARES DISTURB THE REVELRY OF DIONYSUS?! YOU SHALL SUFFER, MORTAL!”

Moments later, Costa del Sol’s entire police force was five frogs in a tank, much to the wild acclaim of the crowd. Then Sephiroth turned to Zack.

“My will is done! And now I shall sacrifice a virgin to myself.”

Zack was pulled close and kissed hard, not that he seemed to mind. Then Cloud was yanked into the crowd to dance with a willowy brunet at least a foot taller than he was.

“Hi! I’m Cloud,” he said to his new friend.

“Oh that’s so awesome!” she exclaimed. “I’m Rain! Hi! Too bad my sister isn’t here – her name is Stormy. We’d have, like, a trinity! What are you studying in college?”

“Well, nothing. I’m only fourteen.”

Moments later, Cloud, his pillowcase, and his clothes were tossed out of the house. Crestfallen and rather angry at himself for telling people his real age, he gathered up his clothes and began walking back to the hotel, pausing only briefly to look over his shoulder at the house. Through the large arched windows, Cloud could see Sephiroth and Zack on the raised platform on which the throne rested, hands roaming over each other, getting just a little too intense for public viewing. He sighed.

“Fine. I didn’t want to go to your dumb ol’ orgy anyway.”

***---***

Cloud honestly thought the President was going to pop a vein in his head. He had never in his life seen a man so angry, and his face was the same colour as his suit as he faced the trio in his office, waving a handful of Costa del Sol newspapers.

“PUBLING INTOXICATION?! PUBLIC NUDITY?! FROGGING AN ENTIRE POLICE FORCE?! AND LET US NOT FORGET YOUR DEFLOWERING OF MAJOR FAIR ON AN ALTER TO DIONYSUS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FRAT HOUSE PARTY! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE SAW YOU TWO?!”

“Probably everyone in the room,” said Sephiroth.

“And let us not forget the tweeting of photos, so… yeah probably quite a few people,” said Zack.

“Major Fair, do you intend to press charges?”

“For what?” said Zack. “I could have said no, but after seven or eight glasses of wine I really didn’t see the point. Besides, I wanted to get him on me before he passed out or changed his mind.”

“I fail to see what you are so hostile about,” said Sephiroth. “You told me to go to Costa del Sol and have fun. Despite the fact that I was certain it couldn’t be done, I did.”

The president ground his teeth together audibly. “Do you think the image I want of my company is my First Class general screwing his underling on an altar in the middle of a party?”

Before Sephiroth could answer, the door to the president’s office opened, and in staggered a manky-looking redhead wearing surf shorts that had clearly been chewed on by some sort of animal. Genesis dropped what was left of his surfboard on the floor and saluted the president.

“Don’t ask me how I got here, I have no idea. The last thing I remember was somebody screaming ‘shark’ and then something had my leg and was heading to the ocean floor. Possibly a rabid sea turtle. Pardon me Mr. President, sir.”

Genesis picked up a waste paper basket and puked. The president sat down and ran his hands over his face.

“How can this possibly get any worse?”

Cloud put up his hand. “I’m only fourteen and I may be pregnant, sir.”

The president slowly looked up, and it was as if every molecule of warmth was sucked out of the room. Slowly the older man rose to his feet and pointed to the door of his office.

“Get out,” he snarled, and the four did, Genesis leaving his surfboard but bringing the trash basket. Once in the hallway, the four giggled like the bad little boys they were, and Sephiroth kissed Zack warmly.

“Come on. Let’s get back to the barracks and pretend we have some dignity. We have to be back on duty in the morning. It would be nice to be in shape for it.”

Zack returned the kiss, eyes shining brightly as he looked at his new lover. “Yeah, okay.”

Cloud stood in his MP uniform, watching the three walk away, feeling a sadness in his heart. He had really enjoyed hanging out with them. Maybe one day…

Sephiroth paused and looked over his shoulder at the boy. “Coming, Strife?”

Cloud broke into a huge grin. “Yes sir, General Sephiroth.”

Meanwhile, as Cloud followed his new friends, the vampire of Nibelheim was on the second floor of the Shinra Mansion, locking the key to the coffin room into an old safe.

“There,” he said softly. “No one will ever find it there.”

At least not for seven more years.