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Description
Last inktober of october 2017.
Carefull, there is mention of suicide in this text !

I was twelve, this period where everything kinda goes wrong because of puberty. I got glasses, braces and a back health issue which forced me to have a rolling bag. At the time a rolling bag in school was just "The Shame", so instead of using it normally I was wearing it as backpack. This backpack was the beginning of my nightmare. A nightmare that lasted a year.

They started to pull the handle of my bag just for fun. And then slowly, comments, insults and humiliation followed. I was used to the mockery already as being very shy, hypersensitive and unable to defend myself. It made me an easy target for those needing an black sheep. But this year it escalated, and got to a point where I almost ended my life. Everyday, they would come, and belittle me. Of course, they always were doing so when no one was around or when people they knew wouldn't interfere. For a year (and even more), they made me believe that I was undesirable, useless to the world and a person of no interest for anyone. The leader of the group, left the school at the end of the fifth grade, and that's maybe what saved me. Would have he stayed, I dont know if I would have been able to endure anymore. One thing for sure, is that their little "hobby" they had, left me with deep scars that still are not completely healed to this day. Their constant mockery and psychological game got so much to me, that I believed completely, I was less than nothing and if I ended my life, maybe the world would be better off without me. After all, would I throw myself under this car, who would cry for me ? Who would grief if I jumped out of this window ?
They crushed the little bit of self esteem I had, and turned it to ashes. It took me years to have little confidence again and that maybe, maybe I had some values. Still today I have doubts. I am constantly unsure of my worth and wonder why people like me. This story had a huge impact on my life, and will always be there. I was silent for a long time. But when I finally talked about this period of my life, and people believed and supported me, I was so relieved ! I tried once to confided myself in an adult, when all was happening, but wasn't believed at the time because you know, "boys are boys and if he is mean that's because he likes you". What's the deal with this fucked up logic, seriously ?
If today I tell you this story, it's to deliver this message :
Educate your children to benevolence, empathy and teach them the importance of words and the impact that those can have on others. Stop minimizing their acts ! It's not because they are kids that they don't do damages. Childrens are smart and are capable of understanding socials interactions and the langague subtility when explained with pedagogy.
Those of you who live or lived through a similar experience : You matter, you have value, there are people who love you. I know how hard and difficult it is, to ignore what your bully tells you. But those people are the one in the wrong, not you ! You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. They should !
Don't keep everything to yourself. I did that, for a long time, and it crushed me.
Confided yourself into a friend, someone who you trust, wouldn't understate what you're going through.

I send you all the courage and support to those who need. You're not alone and you have your place in this world <3 !

Description
Last inktober of october 2017.
Carefull, there is mention of suicide in this text !

I was twelve, this period where everything kinda goes wrong because of puberty. I got glasses, braces and a back health issue which forced me to have a rolling bag. At the time a rolling bag in school was just "The Shame", so instead of using it normally I was wearing it as backpack. This backpack was the beginning of my nightmare. A nightmare that lasted a year.

They started to pull the handle of my bag just for fun. And then slowly, comments, insults and humiliation followed. I was used to the mockery already as being very shy, hypersensitive and unable to defend myself. It made me an easy target for those needing an black sheep. But this year it escalated, and got to a point where I almost ended my life. Everyday, they would come, and belittle me. Of course, they always were doing so when no one was around or when people they knew wouldn't interfere. For a year (and even more), they made me believe that I was undesirable, useless to the world and a person of no interest for anyone. The leader of the group, left the school at the end of the fifth grade, and that's maybe what saved me. Would have he stayed, I dont know if I would have been able to endure anymore. One thing for sure, is that their little "hobby" they had, left me with deep scars that still are not completely healed to this day. Their constant mockery and psychological game got so much to me, that I believed completely, I was less than nothing and if I ended my life, maybe the world would be better off without me. After all, would I throw myself under this car, who would cry for me ? Who would grief if I jumped out of this window ?
They crushed the little bit of self esteem I had, and turned it to ashes. It took me years to have little confidence again and that maybe, maybe I had some values. Still today I have doubts. I am constantly unsure of my worth and wonder why people like me. This story had a huge impact on my life, and will always be there. I was silent for a long time. But when I finally talked about this period of my life, and people believed and supported me, I was so relieved ! I tried once to confided myself in an adult, when all was happening, but wasn't believed at the time because you know, "boys are boys and if he is mean that's because he likes you". What's the deal with this fucked up logic, seriously ?
If today I tell you this story, it's to deliver this message :
Educate your children to benevolence, empathy and teach them the importance of words and the impact that those can have on others. Stop minimizing their acts ! It's not because they are kids that they don't do damages. Childrens are smart and are capable of understanding socials interactions and the langague subtility when explained with pedagogy.
Those of you who live or lived through a similar experience : You matter, you have value, there are people who love you. I know how hard and difficult it is, to ignore what your bully tells you. But those people are the one in the wrong, not you ! You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. They should !
Don't keep everything to yourself. I did that, for a long time, and it crushed me.
Confided yourself into a friend, someone who you trust, wouldn't understate what you're going through.

I send you all the courage and support to those who need. You're not alone and you have your place in this world <3 !